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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24165577">With You, Went All of Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebelguitargirl2015/pseuds/Rebelguitargirl2015'>Rebelguitargirl2015</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>With You [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Awkward baby shower, CEO! Clarke, Clexa raise a baby together, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, Family Feels, Fluff, G!p Lexa, Pregnant! Clarke, Rich! Clarke, Set in Alabama, Smut, Tattoo artist! Lexa, Tattoos, clexa baby, discontinued</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:21:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,519</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24165577</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebelguitargirl2015/pseuds/Rebelguitargirl2015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa was everything Clarke had wanted. She was getting ready to have their baby in seven months, this was the happiest she should be. She already had a nice big house with a white picket fence, she should want to have this baby too. But with everything going on around them–Gracie, Abby and even Finn– Clarke wasn’t so sure she was ready to be a mother. </p><p>Or</p><p>The one where Clarke and Lexa try to navigate their way through Clarke’s pregnancy and parenthood, while raising a four year old.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clarke Griffin &amp; Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>With You [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1319903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>886</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you all for sticking with me and my stories. I've been in a weird funk where I have chapters written, I'm just not uploading them. I'm trying to break that habit and start uploading again on a more regular schedule. </p><p>So thanks again. I hope you enjoy the second part of With You. </p><p>If you have any questions or you want to vent about anything, follow me on tumblr: rebelguitargirl. I answer almost everything in my inbox!</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later. I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I’d take more hikes and fly more kites. I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I’d do more hugging and less tugging.“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> – Diane Loomans</span>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was raining by the time they had left. Gracie wanted to stay the night with her grandparents and Lexa was never one to tell her no when it came to this. She loved that Gracie loved her grandparents and allowed her to spend the night. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa was trying to navigate through the storm cautiously, but there was a part of her that wanted to get out of this storm and hopefully spend some alone time with Clarke. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clarke’s hair was wet, her shirt getting damp from it as Lexa drove down the street. Music was softly playing in the background, Lexa decided to spare Clarke any of her punk rock, but as Lexa made a right turn, Clarke turned the music off. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What’s up?” Lexa asked with a frown, her eyes solely on the road. She was hoping Clarke would talk to her about anything she was feeling. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m not her.” Clarke whispered out, still not sure how she was feeling. It was dark and the rain was pounding against the windshield. Clarke sucked in a breath before turning to Lexa.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What do you mean?” Lexa chuckled out softly, but Clarke just frowned in response.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m not Costia. I’m not– I’ll never be–“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Clarke.” Lexa breathed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll never be half a good of a mother as she was.” Clarke’s eyes widened when she said it, but she had wanted to. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She felt like her chest was going to explode if she held this in for a second longer. Clarke knew this wasn’t the right time. She should wait until they were home. Until they were in a safe place where they could actually talk it out. Clarke felt like she was trapping Lexa right now, but once she started talking about it, it was difficult to get her to stop.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa had side–eyed her, before trying to speak.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No one is–“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll never be able to live up to her standards. Everyone you are around clearly loved her and I’m just… I can’t.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m not with you because you remind me of my deceased wife,” Lexa said seriously. “I’m with you because you reminded me how it is to feel something the way I felt when I was with her. And this whole you being a mom, no one is–“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Lexa…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No one said anything about you being a mom, Clarke,” Lexa looked over at her again, before focusing on the road. “I told you I’m not asking you to be Gracie’s other mom. I just want you to be there for her. She loves you so much. If you don’t want to be a mom or get pregnant, then it’s something that doesn’t have to–“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Lexa, just stop!” Clarke cried. She took another deep breath and wondered if she really was getting ready to tell Lexa. Clarke’s heart was pounding harder than the rain against the car and felt like she was going to hurl.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Clarke, can you please tell me what this is about? Charlotte and David really like having you around and I thought that we were making progress. Charlotte literally welcomed you into the family tonight and I don’t get why–“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m pregnant, Lexa.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And that was the last thing Clarke had said, and that was the last thing that Lexa had heard before both of their worlds went dark. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Lexa woke up, everything was white. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her car was white, her clothes were white, her shoes were white. Lexa was certain that wasn’t what she was wearing before this happened. What had happened again?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Where was she? And why were her steps echoing against the floor? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa started running forward, her knee aching and her head pounding with each step. She was getting ready to call out her name, when a figure ahead halted her steps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” Lexa called out</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa, it’s me.” The figure had said. And Lexa had heard that voice— yearned for it for so many years. Could that really be her? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa?” And suddenly she was standing right in front of her, wearing a white gown. Her curls cascading down her shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa breathed in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Costia?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Lexa.” Costia said the second Lexa spoke, bringing her in for a tight hug. “I can’t believe it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Costia,” Lexa said shakily. “Where are we?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are in the afterlife, my darling.” Costia lifted her fingers, her hand shaking slightly. They traced the lining of her jaw before cupping it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa looked around again. Everything was so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>bright</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t be here. It’s not your time yet.” Costia said with worry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know? Everything hurts.” Lexa whined, still trying to figure out what was going on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not time yet.” Costia stressed. “As much as it pains me to say, you cannot stay here with me. We have a daughter, Lexa and now you have Clarke. And as much as I hate to admit it, she needs you right now. Something is really wrong, and I need you to wake up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to wake up,” Lexa cried. “Not if it means losing you again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You never lost me the first time.” Costia reminded her, stepping closer to her and grabbing her hand. “You will always be in my heart and I’ll always be in yours. I love you the most, but you have to wake up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa didn’t want to do it. Her entire body felt like it was shutting down and it was better this way. She didn’t feel any pain. She couldn’t hear anything, and Costia was here: so why would she leave?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then a sharp cry jolted her and she looked at Costia.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Lexa asked in concern, rubbing her hands up and down her arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t me, my love.” Costia whispered out, her hands cupping Lexa’s face. “You were in an accident.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Lexa shook her head. “No I wasn’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa!” Costia snapped. “You need to wake up and remember. You were driving. You were with Clarke–“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was with Clarke?!” Lexa screeched. “Is she okay? Where is she? Why isn’t she here with us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s not okay, Lexa,” Costia shook her head. “Please, wake up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I wake up, will you be gone?” Lexa asked in a small voice. This was the first time she had seen Costia since the accident. She didn’t want to leave her now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Costia answered truthfully, never one to lie to Lexa. “But it’ll be okay, because Clarke will–“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do I get to Clarke? Where is she?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You must really care about this woman.” Costia gave her a wistful smile and Lexa shook her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean… Yeah. I don’t want–“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Costia said, reaching out and caressing Lexa’s hair. “It’s okay if you love her. I mean, I already know, and it’s okay. I’m happy for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will always love you.” Lexa said seriously and Costia smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Costia's gaze turned serious as she pulled away from Lexa. “But you must leave now. Clarke won’t make it if you stay. She needs you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But wait… I don’t know… I don’t know where I am or how to get back.” Lexa stumbled upon her words, looking around helplessly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s very simple, Lexa.” Costia folded her hands in front of her. “You need to wake up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa hesitated. Mostly because she didn’t know how to wake up. Something wasn’t allowing her to, and she rushed to Costia’s side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t! I can’t wake up! I can’t get out of here. Tell me what I need to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to let go.” Costia whispered. It pained her to say, but she removed the hand Lexa unconsciously put on her arm and moved away from her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to let me go back into the light and then you’ll wake up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, no!” Lexa yanked on her. “Just come back with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa!” Costia tried to reason. “You need to let me go. It’s not your time. It’s time for you to wake up. Wake up, Lexa.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then she vanished.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa looked around frantically, failing to find Costia. There were miles and miles of pure white and Lexa couldn’t see anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Costia was gone, and Lexa had to fight with every fiber in her not to go after her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was letting go of Costia, and now it was her time to wake up. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Lexa opened her eyes again, there was a bright light flashing in her face. She gasped, but she couldn’t hear anything but the heart beat in her chest as she looked around. She almost wanted to run because everything was white, just like before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where am I?” Lexa asked groggily. The nurse saw that she was awake and rushed to her side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ms. Woods? Can you hear me?” The nurse asked. Lexa nodded before looking around again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Am I in the hospital? Oh shit, where’s Clarke? The woman I was with? I need to see her. I need to find her.” Lexa tried to get up, but the nurse placed a firm hand on her shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have a concussion. You are not going anywhere.” The nurse advised and Lexa huffed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a concussion? What happened? Why am I here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was storming pretty bad when we found you guys.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Found us?” Lexa muttered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your car was flipped upside down. It was a miracle you both survived.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to see her. Where is she?” Lexa asked again, but the nurse just frowned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t give out that kind of information.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, she’s my girlfriend.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure she’s still in surgery.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Surgery?!” Lexa screamed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Calm down, ma’am. We need to keep your heart rate down.” The nurse advised again, but Lexa was running through a million different scenarios.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She got into an accident? So, Costia was telling the truth, but how did this happen? And why did it happen? Lexa had never gotten into a car accident before and couldn’t even fathom knowing her Mustang was probably a pile of junk right now. How the hell did this happen?</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa was hooked up to an assortment of machines. None of which she knew how to operate, but once the nurse had left, that didn’t stop Lexa from ripping out each and every cord she was currently attached to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa was sure she needed her IV but that wasn’t going to stop her. She needed to see Clarke. Lexa was still in her hospital gown as she snuck out of her room and roamed the halls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa was sure they were at the hospital that Clarke’s mother worked at, since that was the only hospital within a thirty mile radius. For once, Lexa was actually hoping to run into her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa’s head was pounding as she made her way down the hall. She stopped twice, leaning against the wall and was thinking that taking the IV out of her was the dumbest thing she’d ever done, besides getting into this accident. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa?” A voice called. Lexa was too weak to turn around, and let the person come to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my,” Lexa was surprised to see Abby in front of her. “Let me get you a wheelchair.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need a wheelchair,” Lexa said. She was sweating and her eyes were blurring over. “I need to find Clarke.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t find Clarke if you’re dead. Now sit.” Abby pushed lightly on her shoulder, but it was enough for Lexa to sit down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa crossed her arms, a scowl on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m taking you back to your room because we have a lot to discuss.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know where Clarke is?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abby didn’t answer any questions until they were back in her hospital room and closed the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa, what the hell happened?” Abby sneered. “Why the hell is my daughter in surgery right now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We got into an accident but I still don’t… I’m not really sure why.” Lexa finished pathetically. “I need to see her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not until she’s out of surgery.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with her?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She broke her leg.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa gasped before tears started falling from her eyes. Did she do this? Did she make Clarke break her leg? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was some internal bleeding and I didn’t want them to operate, but they insisted that they should.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if she doesn’t make it?” Lexa asked with wide eyes. She didn’t think she could go through this again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My daughter is strong. She will.” Abby told her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was quiet once the questions were over. Abby forced Lexa back into her hospital bed and hooked her back up before checking her vitals.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are dehydrated. If you take this IV out of your arm again, you’re going to wish you hadn’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite the threat, Lexa knew Abby was looking out for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Lexa said weakly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abby opened her mouth to speak, but all that came out was bated breath. She pursed her lips, and opened her mouth again, but before she could say anything, the door came flying open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa!” Anya came running through the door. Lexa looked up to see her best friend in distress and gasped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anya!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god! Don’t ever scare me like that again.” Anya rushed for her side, Raven trailing behind her. “Are you okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Anya. I’m fine.” Lexa murmured, struggling to keep her eyes open. The walk really took it out of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I called Charlotte right after they called me. She’s coming, but David is going to stay behind with Gracie.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Anya.” Lexa said gratefully. She didn’t want her little girl seeing her in this state. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Clarke? Is she okay?” Raven asked softly as she walked over to Anya, putting her hand on her shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa flicked her eyes to Abby, silently asking if she could tell them. Abby nodded subtly and Lexa opened her mouth to speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s in surgery.” Lexa responded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Surgery? That sounds serious.” Raven chewed on her bottom lip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Anya asked lightly, not wanting to overwhelm her best friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We were driving home from dinner and it was raining. We were talking about something, but…” Lexa touched her forehead lightly, her head pounding. “I can’t remember what it was.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay. As long as you are okay. We can figure out–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa! Are you okay?” Charlotte came barging into the door. “I almost had to fight the nurse to get her to tell me where you were. Are you hurt? What happened? How did this happen? Where is–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Char, hold on. Let her breathe.” Anya said seriously, but she had a small smile on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Charlotte sighed, but that didn’t take away from her worry. Lexa knew exactly why she was holding onto her arm so tightly. She had already lost one daughter, she wasn’t about to lose another. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m sorry. For scaring all of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go to my office. If I hear anything about my daughter, I’ll let you know.” Abby spoke up as she excused herself quickly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa knew that Abby was hurting, not just because her daughter was in the hospital. But because her daughter was in the hospital and probably wanted nothing to do with her. But Abby ran this hospital, she knew everything that was going on, and Lexa just hoped that she could keep her word and let her know how Clarke was doing.  </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A couple hours later, Lexa had just woken up from her nap. Anya left with Raven to go get some food, and Charlotte, who called Lauren, was standing by the window. The second that Lexa woke up, Lauren rushed to her side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi, sweetie.” Lauren smiled. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like someone hit me in the head with a ton of bricks.” Lexa mumbled, her eyes adjusting to the light. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to get the nurse?” Lauren asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I just need a cup of water.” Lexa answered quietly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You got it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you heard anything about Clarke?” Lexa asked more louder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There were some… complications,” Charlotte said, and Lexa’s eyes widened. “They are still in surgery.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is not good.” Lexa cried. “I can’t believe this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Honey, don’t get yourself worked up.” Lauren said seriously, handing over the cup of water. “Everything will be okay, you just gotta have a little faith.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How is Gracie?” Lexa asked as she sipped on her water. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s good,” Charlotte spoke up. “She’s at home sleeping with David.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to see her in the morning?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want Clarke to be out of surgery. That’s what I want.” Lexa said bitterly into her cup, before she sighed. “Yes, I would like that. When I get released I want to see Clarke.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have our differences, but I’m sure I could talk to Abby and make sure that happens.” Charlotte nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the next day and Gracie was holding tightly to her grandfather as she walked down the brightly lit corridor. David was doing the best he could to reassure his granddaughter that everything was okay, but he was having a hard time keeping it together himself. He had barely slept when he found out the news, and quickened his steps to his Lexa’s room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is mommy in there?” Gracie asked quietly. She didn’t like that they were here. There was something telling her that something wasn’t right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She is.” David answered, just stopping short of Lexa’s room. “We don’t have to go inside if you don’t want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to,” Gracie said, puffing out her chest. “My mommy says I’m tough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David laughed wholeheartedly before he nodded. “She does say that, doesn’t she?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But David didn’t wait for her to respond. He needed to open the door, before he changed his mind and took Gracie back home. He hated the thought of Gracie not having any parents around. He was so relieved that Lexa was alright. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy!” Gracie screeched when she saw Lexa laying in the hospital bed, Anya and Charlotte hovering over her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The closer Gracie got to her mother, the more nervous she was getting. She was wondering why her mother hadn’t gotten up to hug her yet. She wondered why her mother was hooked up to so many machines right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My little girl.” Lexa cooed, but she still didn’t move, and Gracie frowned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are we here and not at home?” Gracie scrunched her nose up, and Lexa sighed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy had a boo-boo, so I came to the doctors to make sure I was alright.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And are you okay?” Gracie asked in a small voice, her arms tightening around David’s neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna be okay, sweetie. There’s nothing to worry about.” Lexa was trying to convince herself, more than her daughter. She held her arms out, and it took Gracie a second before she reached down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa wrapped an arm around Gracie’s neck, and the little girl clung to her mother. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like this place.” Gracie said seriously, still looking around the room. She smiled when Charlotte and Anya waved at her, before her face turned serious. “Something went wrong?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something did go wrong,” Lexa never had it in her to lie to her daughter. “But it’s okay now. I feel better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gracie was still looking around warily. Lexa hated the look on her daughter’s face, and wished she could fix it. She could tell by the way Gracie was looking that she was trying to connect dots, but she didn’t understand what was happening. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Lexa could explain anything, Abby poked her head through the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa, Clarke is out of surgery.” Abby looked better than she did last night. There was a certain glow to her face, now that she knew her daughter was okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa breathed out a sigh of relief, and turned to Gracie, who had tears in her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sur– ge– ry?” Gracie said the word slowly and her eyes widened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Gracie it’s okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jason told me his G-Pa had surgery and that now he lived in the clouds. Does Clarke live in the clouds like Mama?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” Lexa said seriously, holding her little girl closer to her. “Clarke is going to be okay, but she had to get fixed by some doctors. When mommy gets discharged in a bit, we’re gonna go see her alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gracie still looked unconvinced, and Lexa hated how her daughter knew what Heaven was, and why people go to it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I just…” Abby trailed off, looking out of place at the sentimental moment Lexa and Gracie were sharing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, thank you for telling me. Just let her know that I’m coming. I have to get discharged first.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Lexa. I’m glad you are okay.” Abby nodded at her awkwardly, before she left the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charlotte took Gracie, when Lexa got up to go change into her clothes. Anya tried to help her, but Lexa swatted her away. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time Lexa got discharged it was mid-afternoon. Lexa was still a bit sluggish, and her doctor didn’t want her to be discharged yet, but Abby pulled a couple strings, and now she was on her way upstairs to see Clarke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa was nervous. She didn’t know what shaped Clarke would be in, and was scared to find out. Her heart was jumping in her chest, but she was telling herself to calm down, because she was already exhausting herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Lexa finally reached Clarke’s room, she opened the door. It was quiet, and when Lexa’s eyes fell on Clarke, she sighed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Lexa walked further into the room, she was surprised when she saw Raven in the corner, a book in her hand. She looked at the brunette, who hadn’t seen her yet, before looking back at Clarke’s sleeping form. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How is she?” Raven put her book down, before looking up at Lexa, sheepishly. Like she had been caught. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s drifting in and out of sleep thanks to her medication, but she’s been holding conversation.” Raven said quietly, so she wouldn’t disturb Clarke’s rest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa looked at Clarke again. Her hair was combed back, and she had a feeling she should thank Raven for that. Her face was slightly pale, the color coming back slowly. There was only one bruise near her temple, but it was enough to bring tears to Lexa’s eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When her gaze fell on the cast on Clarke’s leg, she held her breath. She couldn’t believe she did this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Raven called softly. “She’s pulling through, and I need you to do the same thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa knew that Raven was right, but the longer she looked at Clarke’s unmoving form, the more anxiety crept up her throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe this.” Lexa said. She thought she was being quiet, but the second she finished talking, Clarke’s eyes fluttered open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Raven was at her side in a matter of seconds, but Lexa hung back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Champ.” Raven said softly, and Lexa smiled, because she could tell that despite everything that had happened, Raven truly did care about her. “Lexa’s finally here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Clarke turned her head slowly, her eyes lighting up when she spotted Lexa’s timid body in the corner of the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa.” Clarke croaked out, but Lexa still didn’t move. She didn’t think she could be near Clarke. Not like this. “Don’t be a stranger. Come here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa hesitated as she walked over to Clarke. Clarke had her arms wide open, but before they could make contact, a doctor and Abby walked through the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, honey.” Abby sighed, when she saw that her daughter was awake. Lexa could tell that Clarke was thrilled to see Abby, even if she scowled at her. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. Dr. Jackson is just checking to make sure everything is okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abby shared a look with Clarke, that Lexa did not understand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa watched the lanky male doctor as he held out the tablet in his hands, and chuckled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You gave me quite the scare.” Dr. Jackson said, and Clarke’s eyes looked like they were begging for him to stop talking. Lexa looked around the room cautiously. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t like the way Raven was suddenly immersed in her book or how Abby went extremely quiet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everything seems to be good. You need to keep your leg elevated. As for the baby…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The baby didn’t suffer–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Baby?” Lexa muttered, but everyone heard her. Clarke had her eyes closed lightly, and Lexa hated the way Abby was looking at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Clarke is eight weeks pregnant.” Dr. Jackson said, but he was starting to catch on to the tension in the room. “But everything is alright with the baby. I can come back another time to discuss it in more detail, and I’ll just leave you to…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dr. Jackson barely finished his sentence before he was out the door, grabbing an angry looking Abby on the way out. Raven darted her eyes back and forth between Clarke and Lexa, before she made a beeline to the door as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Baby? Clarke was… She was… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But there was no way she could be that many weeks and Lexa had no clue. So, she looked at Clarke, but she wasn’t looking at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did the doctor…” Lexa blew out a breath. “Did the doctor say… </span>
  <em>
    <span>baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa cringed when she realized what was happening. She cringed when she realized that she had gotten them into an accident and Clarke was… preg–</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Clarke, are you pregnant?” Lexa asked warily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa didn’t like the way Clarke wasn’t meeting her eyes, or how she was fidgeting in the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Clarke didn’t look at Lexa, before she slowly nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re pregnant?” Lexa asked, looking at Clarke with wide eyes. “And you didn’t tell me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I tried to tell you, Lexa,” Clarke croaked out, finally looking up and making eye contact. “But every time I tried, the words never seemed to come out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Were you ever going to tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Of course I was, Lexa. I was just trying to come to terms with it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should’ve told me, Clarke.” Lexa said angrily. “Because we could’ve come to terms with it together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I didn’t want to come to terms with it!” Clarke shouted. “I didn’t want this! So, I didn’t tell you. At least, not right away. And then we went to dinner and I told you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You told me at dinner?” Lexa asked, her memory a bit hazy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When we were leaving dinner, it was raining. I told you that I was pregnant. You swerved and we both woke up here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa’s legs felt like jelly, and they shook all the way to the chair by Clarke’s bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then Lexa could hear the shouting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then Lexa heard the loud honking, the tires screeching, and the horrific screaming. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have terrible timing.” Clarke tried to joke from the bed, but Lexa just ducked her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Clarke, I didn’t even… I was trying to remember the entire time but I couldn’t. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were pregnant!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa’s voice was getting higher and higher as she spoke, but Clarke tried to reassure her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa, I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you aren’t–”</span>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not fine. You–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Lexa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not fine!” Lexa shouted. “Look at where we are, you aren’t fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Clarke stayed silent for a moment, letting Lexa calm down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Gracie?” Clarke asked after a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s in the lobby with Anya.” Lexa answered, still watching Clarke curiously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her heart was pounding in her chest, and her head was pounding against her skull. Her throat was tightening up, as she tried to process the information. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Clarke was pregnant? They were going to have a baby together? Gracie was going to have a brother or sister? Oh, God, How was she going to explain this to Gracie? Where was the baby going to sleep? How the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>was she going to afford to take care of another child?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa stood up abruptly. She felt like the walls were closing in on her. She rubbed at her temples, before glaring down at Clarke. She didn’t say anything else as she turned on her heel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going?” Clarke cried. Lexa was mumbling under her breath, and she didn’t know if her head was spinning because she was getting over a concussion or if the air in the room was getting thick. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should’ve told me. You should’ve told me.” Lexa kept mumbling over and over again, Clarke couldn’t figure out what she was saying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa, just sit down.” Clarke said weakly. “We can talk–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Talk?” Lexa asked her incredulously. “Oh, so now you want to talk? This all could’ve been avoided, had you just told me what was going on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa, it’s okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it? We could’ve died, Clarke. You’re right. You have terrible timing and it was so fucking selfish of you to keep that from me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa, it wasn’t in my intentions to keep you out of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you weren’t going to tell me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did tell you. It’s not my fault you spaced out and let go of the fucking wheel!” Clarke said hotly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa scoffed, before closing her eyes. She turned back around, heading for the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lexa, wait!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should’ve told me, Clarke!” Lexa pointed a finger at her, before letting a tear fall from her eyes. “You should’ve fucking told me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexa didn’t look back as she closed the door to Clarke’s room, and rushed down the hall. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m blown away by the response to the first chapter. Thank you all for reading (:</p><p>Alright, I just want to note that Clarke WILL NOT be getting an abortion in this story (I promise you this), but the topic does come up briefly, and in other chapters. </p><p>Enjoy!</p><p>If you have any questions, here is my tumblr: rebelguitargirl</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Anya looked up from her phone when she saw Lexa walking passed her, not glancing back once. She handed Gracie off to David, before rushing to follow her. </p><p> </p><p>“Lexa! Lexa, where are you going?” Anya followed her best friend, looking around before spotting her crouched down on the brick wall. </p><p> </p><p>“Lexa…?” Anya approached Lexa cautiously, wondering what had her so upset. When Lexa didn’t respond, Anya nudged her. </p><p> </p><p>“She should’ve told me.” Lexa mumbled repeatedly, and Anya pinched her eyebrows in confusion. </p><p> </p><p>“Who?” Anya asked slowly. “Who should’ve told you what?”</p><p> </p><p>Anya wished that Lexa would calm down. She didn’t like seeing her friend like this, especially after the accident. Anya tried putting a hand on Lexa’s shoulder, but she just nudged her off, before standing up. </p><p> </p><p>“She should’ve told me!” Lexa said louder, but Anya shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what you are talking about, honey!” Anya pleaded. She watched as Lexa took a deep breath, before leaning her head back against the wall. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m so fucked.” Lexa had used a tone Anya hadn’t heard in a long time. Lexa had been finding ways to make herself happy again. She had<em> looked </em>happy again. The seriousness of her tone made Anya cringe. </p><p> </p><p>“Lexa…” Anya trailed off, because she didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She didn’t know what Lexa needed right now. So, she waited. </p><p> </p><p>It took a long time. Anya could tell that Lexa wanted to go back inside, but every time she walked closer to the entrance, she would turn back around, a crestfallen look on her face. </p><p> </p><p>Whatever it was, Anya knew it was serious. </p><p> </p><p>“She’s pregnant.” Lexa muttered after twenty minutes of silence. </p><p> </p><p>Anya’s eyes widened, but she didn’t react the way that she wanted to. She knew that Lexa was under a lot of stress, and she didn’t want to add to it. </p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me?” Anya asked, because she needed to hear it again. She needed to make sure she had heard correctly. </p><p> </p><p>“She’s pregnant, Anya!” Lexa turned to face her. </p><p> </p><p>Anya was having a hard time figuring out if Lexa was excited or disappointed by the information. Anya didn’t know how to react, so she waited again. Because she knew Lexa wasn’t done. </p><p> </p><p>“And she didn’t tell me,” Lexa chuckled out, but Anya could tell there was nothing humorous about this. “Who does that? She’s eight weeks pregnant. She had a whole eight weeks to tell me, but she didn’t. She kept her fuckin’ mouth shut, and kept me out of the loop.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you guys get into an argument?” Anya asked knowingly. “Or did you yell at her and she tried to defend herself?”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa glared at Anya, who shook her head sympathetically. She came over to lean against the wall where Lexa was. </p><p> </p><p>Anya knew the toll this was taking on Lexa. Her skin was paling by the second, and she looked like she was going to hurl any minute now. </p><p> </p><p>“So, she told you she was pregnant. You got mad at her, and walked out?”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa didn’t answer right away. Anya thought she wasn’t going to answer at all out of her own stubbornness, but she was surprised when Lexa looked over to her. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Anya took a moment, before she whacked Lexa in the arm. </p><p> </p><p>“You idiot!”</p><p> </p><p>“What was that for?” Lexa asked incredulously, while clutching her forearm. </p><p> </p><p>“She had nowhere to go. You left her there. That’s why I fuckin’ hit you. Y’all are both being stupid!”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s the one that decided she wanted to come to terms with this by herself. She didn’t have to do that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Still,” Anya countered angrily. “You didn’t have to leave her when she was defenseless. You need to go talk to her.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s nothing to talk about, Anya.” Lexa said bitterly. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know if I should be happy or…”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t have another kid.” Lexa shook her head adamantly. “I’m fucked.”</p><p> </p><p>“Weren’t you the one that was all upset that Clarke didn’t like kids?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Anya. Because I have one kid. Just one. I can’t have another one. I barely made it through Gracie being a baby, and Costia handled it the first couple months. I seriously have no idea what I’m going to do. How I’m going to <em> afford </em> this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Anya scratched the back of her head. “It’s a good thing that Clarke is swimming in money.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want her money,” Lexa sneered. “I don’t know how this is going to work.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to have all the answers right now, but you should go talk to her.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m tired, Anya. I just want to get my daughter and go home.” Lexa left no room for protesting as she grabbed Anya’s arm and they headed back inside. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until the next day, that Lexa finally went to go see Clarke again. Lexa had no idea how long Clarke was going to be in the hospital. She realized that she overreacted the other day, and didn’t know if Clarke would even want to see her. The guilt was starting to wash over her.  </p><p> </p><p>Lexa didn’t see Abby anywhere as she walked into the hospital. It was quiet, only a couple people scattered around the waiting room. Lexa was nervous as the nurse gave her access to go see Clarke, and climbed the stairs with shaky legs. </p><p> </p><p>When she got to Clarke’s room, Raven was there. </p><p> </p><p>It was starting to click in her mind, that Raven knew this entire time. She wasn’t sure how long she’d known, but the fact that Raven knew before she did, shattered her heart.  </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Lexa.” Raven said lightly. Clarke was laying back in the bed, sipping on a cup of water, her eyes trained outside. “I’ll leave you guys alone. I’ll be back later.”</p><p> </p><p>Raven took one last look at Clarke, before jetting out the door. </p><p> </p><p>“Did she know?” Lexa asked quietly once they were alone. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke looked better than she did the other day. The color was starting to come back in her face, and she didn’t seem as worn down as the other day. Lexa wanted to smile at that, but she kept her face blank, waiting for Clarke to answer. </p><p> </p><p>“Lexa…” Clarke warned, finally turning her head to look at her. </p><p> </p><p>“Did she?” Lexa pressed, stuffing her hands in her sweats. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Clarke revealed. “I called her when I found out.”</p><p> </p><p>Anger flared through Lexa, but she knew she couldn’t keep getting mad. No matter how much she just wanted to walk out and leave, she couldn’t. She had so many thoughts running through her head, that it was starting to hurt. </p><p> </p><p>“Sit down.” Clarke ordered. Lexa didn’t listen to her, and she continued to stand, before Clarke narrowed her eyes at her. “Sit down, Lexa.”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa huffed, but she did as she was told, and took up the seat Raven was in minutes ago. </p><p> </p><p>“Why would you tell her and not me?” Lexa hated how vulnerable her voice was, but she wanted to know. </p><p> </p><p>“She knows that… that… I never wanted to be pregnant. She just knows, and I trusted her with this information.” Clarke said, putting her cup of water on the tray that hovered over her bed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I just wish I would’ve known. Is that why you had a panic attack?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mostly, but it really was stress. Stress, of the situation, and stress because I didn’t know how to tell you.”</p><p> </p><p>Despite the color coming back to her face, Clarke looked exhausted. There were bags under her eyes, and Lexa hated the bruise on her temple. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you.. Do you… not want to be pregnant?” Lexa asked shakily. She didn’t like the look that Clarke was giving her. She didn’t like the way Clarke turned away from her after a while. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.” Clarke said honestly, turning her head back to face Lexa. There were tears running down her face, and Lexa sucked in a breath. </p><p> </p><p>“Is that why you didn’t tell me?” Lexa asked softly. “Because you didn’t know if you were going to keep it?”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke gave her a sharp look. </p><p> </p><p>“You think I would.. get an <em> abortion </em> and not tell you?” Clarke scrunched her nose up in disgust. </p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Lexa fixed her a look. “I have no idea what you were planning to do, Clarke.”</p><p> </p><p>“I cannot believe you would think I would do that and not talk to you about it first.” Clarke huffed.</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t <em> talk </em>to me at all. So I wouldn’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s not like Clarke hadn’t thought about it, but just as quickly as the thought crossed her mind, it left. She couldn’t bring herself to do that, no matter how easier that would make this situation. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Clarke cried, tears freely roaming down her face. “But I wouldn’t <em> kill </em> our baby and not tell you about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you were thinking about it?” Lexa asked. </p><p> </p><p>“It crossed my mind, yes. But I would never…”</p><p> </p><p>“How do I know that?” Lexa said seriously. “How do I know that you want this? That you want to keep our baby? When this entire time you’ve protested the idea of kids. You barely hang out with Gracie, and you want me to believe that you’re ready to have a kid when we fought our entire relationship about how much you don’t want them?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just because I don’t want the baby--”</p><p> </p><p>“So, you don’t want the baby?” Lexa said, her eyes sad as she looked up at Clarke. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke clamped her mouth shut, her eyes closing roughly. </p><p> </p><p>“Lexa…”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t want the baby?”</p><p> </p><p>“Lexa…”</p><p> </p><p>“Answer the fuckin’ question.”</p><p> </p><p>“I already told you I didn’t know!” Clarke said. “And I wish you would stop acting like such a jerk. I don’t want to fight about this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Little too late for that, Clarke.”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke opened her mouth to say something, but her mother walked in before she got the chance. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke quickly wiped at her eyes, looking over to her mother. </p><p> </p><p>“Now is not really a great time, mom.” Clarke said weakly. Abby blinked her eyes rapidly, before looking between the two of them, the frown deep on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, Harper is here.” Abby informed them. “Do you want me to tell her to wait?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Clarke said after a moment. “We were just finishing up here, so send her in.”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa took that as her cue to leave. She tried to catch Clarke’s eyes, but the blonde wouldn’t look at her. Lexa huffed loudly, before storming out of the room. Abby looked like she wanted to say something, but instead she just ushered Harper into the room, before closing the door lightly. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Anya dropped Lexa off back home, she was greeted by her daughter and her mother, sitting in the living room, with a pile of legos in between them. </p><p> </p><p>“Look, mommy, look!” Gracie held up her legos, when her mother walked through the threshold. “I made a spaceship. Grandma Lori helped me.”  </p><p> </p><p>Lexa was exhausted, her head was pounding and all she wanted to do was go lay down, but she walked over to her daughter and sat down between her and her mother. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, sweetie. How ya feelin’ today?” Lauren asked softly, rubbing her back up and down. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa was getting ready to speak, when she realized that her mother had no idea what was going on. It made Lexa slightly sick to her stomach that her mother would be happy about this, if she were to tell her. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa had no idea if she should or not. She didn’t know if that were what Clarke would have wanted. Would she be angry if she did? Lexa was never really one to keep things from her mother. She wanted to tell her more than anything right now, but knew that it wasn’t the best time. </p><p> </p><p>“I could be better.” Lexa said quietly, as Gracie climbed into her lap, making her spaceship going round and round in circles, making a spaceship noise. </p><p> </p><p>“Look, mommy!” Gracie giggled, making the spaceship full of legos go around in a circle again. It pulled a soft smile from Lexa, as she kissed the top of her daughter’s head and thought about how she was going to have another daughter or son. Her heart squeezed in her chest, and she wasn’t sure how she felt. </p><p> </p><p>“I made the spaceship so I can go see Mama.” Gracie revealed after a couple seconds. Lexa’s eyes went wide behind her daughter, as she shared a look with her mother. “If I go up in spaceship, I’ll get to see Mama in the clouds!”</p><p> </p><p>Gracie was talking as if she created the greatest plan ever. Lexa tried to be enthusiastic about it, but her heart was being pulled in so many different directions right now.  </p><p> </p><p>Lexa struggled to find her words. Gracie literally thought that her Mama was in the clouds, but she also knew that she was dead. It was hard trying to explain the fact that Costia <em> was </em> in heaven, but Gracie was never going to see her again. She didn’t want to break her daughter’s heart. Not at such a young age. </p><p> </p><p>“That is such a great idea!” Lauren spoke excitedly, nudging Lexa in the arm. </p><p> </p><p>It was then, that Lexa realized that she hadn’t responded to her daughter, and Gracie was looking back at her expectantly. Lexa tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace, and Lauren looked concerned. </p><p> </p><p>“Honey, why don’t you go upstairs and get your dolls?” Lauren asked after a moment. Gracie screeched, and ran up stairs to her room. </p><p> </p><p>“You can’t just space out when she says things like that.” Lauren scolded when the little girl was out of hearing range. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, why did you tell her that was a good idea? Now, she’s going to believe all she needs is a freakin’ spaceship to get to her Mama. You and I know that it’s not going to happen. No matter how many times I tell her that she’s not going to see her Mama again, unless it’s a photo or video, she doesn’t get it.” Lexa's shoulders were tense and she rubbed at her head. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Lauren put a hand on Lexa’s thigh. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not upset. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that. She keeps trying to find ways to see her, but it’s not going to happen.” Lexa wasn’t going to cry, it was just going to make her headache much worse. </p><p> </p><p>She felt like a terrible mother right now, and like so many other times, she wished Costia was here to see their daughter grow up. To see how much she looked so much like both of them, it was crazy. Lexa just wished her daughter had her Mama around, and it always broke her heart. </p><p> </p><p>“Mom, I need to tell you something.” Lexa said shakily, but she could hear the small pitter-patter of her daughter’s feet, so different from the hard, rough steps of her own. Soon, Lexa thought, there would be two sets of footsteps she was going to be listening to. </p><p> </p><p>“What is it?”</p><p> </p><p>But Gracie had ran back into the room, four different dolls in her hands. She handed two to her mother, and then one to Lauren, and kept one to herself. </p><p> </p><p>Lauren looked at her with a question in her eyes, but Lexa shook her head. She didn’t want to tell her with Gracie in the room. She wasn’t sure how her daughter was going to react to the fact that she was going to have a brother or sister. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa knew that Gracie was going to have a lot of questions, and the number one question she knew she was going to ask was, where do babies come from? How did Clarke get pregnant? If Clarke is going to have my baby brother or sister, is she my new mommy?</p><p> </p><p>The last question hurt Lexa’s heart. Gracie probably wasn’t going to ask her anything. She would probably be happy that she was going to have someone else to play with in the house other than adults. </p><p> </p><p>There were so many things she was keeping from her daughter. Lexa knew she really needed to talk to Gracie and tell her that she couldn’t keep coming up with ways to go see her Mama, because it was never going to happen. It was a thought that broke Lexa’s heart, and she had no doubt it would break Gracie’s as well, and Lexa just wasn’t ready for that. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll tell you later.” Lexa promised her mother.  </p><p> </p><p>She spent the rest of the afternoon, playing dolls with her daughter, her mind wandering ever so often to Clarke. Lexa knew they really needed to sit down, because she knew for certain, that they weren’t on the same page with the pregnancy. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa remembered the look that Clarke gave her when she asked her if she didn’t want to baby. Something dark and hollow, completely unlike the sparkling blue eyes she normally had. She didn’t know what Clarke was going through, because Clarke wouldn’t talk to her about it. </p><p> </p><p>It was something that Lexa wasn’t looking forward to. She didn’t know where Clarke stood in this. Lexa was positive she didn’t want to know. </p><p> </p><p>But she forced herself to stop thinking about it. She wanted to focus on playing with her daughter. She would imitate the voice of Barbie all afternoon, if it kept the bright smile on her daughter’s face. Lexa smiled back, trying to forget everything else that was going on around her, and pulled her daughter close to her. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>This time when Lexa went to go visit Clarke the next evening, she wasn’t so lucky. Anya had graciously given her a ride before going into work and the second Lexa entered the building, it was like Abby was purposefully waiting in the lobby. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa tried to quicken her steps without being too conspicuous. When Lexa turned down the hall to Clarke’s room, Abby fell in step with her.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa tried to act natural, but standing next to a woman she knew didn’t like her, was awkward. Lexa didn’t say anything. She knew Abby would speak when necessary.</p><p> </p><p>“How are ya feeling?” Abby asked as they walked down the quiet hall. Their steps were echoing around them, and Lexa was trying to calm her breathing.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” Lexa answered. She didn’t know what Abby knew, but she knew that Abby knew that Clarke was pregnant, by the look she kept throwing Lexa’s way. Lexa wasn’t sure what Abby wanted.</p><p> </p><p>“How is your head? Have you been taking your meds?” Abby questioned, and Lexa tried not to roll her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>She stopped abruptly in the hall, gazing curiously at Abby.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want from me?” Lexa asked knowingly. “Are you here to lecture me? Or to tell me to stay away from your daughter? Or to threaten me because I got your daughter pregnant? Which one?” </p><p> </p><p>Abby looked at her, her green eyes empty. She gave her one last look, before she huffed and turned on her heel. Lexa groaned under her breath and when she reached Clarke’s door, she pushed it open with more force than necessary. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke jumped, but relaxed when she saw it was Lexa, but once she looked at her face, she frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing.” Lexa answered, and closed the door softer this time. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke was alone in the room. There were teddy bears and flowers from her co–workers and employees in the corner of the room. Clarke looked a lot better today, and Lexa went to go sit by her.</p><p> </p><p>“How bad is it?” Lexa gestured to her leg. She realized she didn’t know the extent to Clarke’s injuries because the baby bomb was dropped so suddenly, Lexa felt like she couldn’t breathe properly sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly, it’s just fractured. They want to keep me for the rest of the week, and then my mom hired the best physical therapist in the area.” Clarke answered with an eye-roll, still watching Lexa closely. </p><p> </p><p>“How long will that take?” Lexa asked, in the back of her mind, she was thinking about how Clarke was going to be nine weeks pregnant by the end of this week.</p><p> </p><p>“A good month. Maybe more.” Clarke answered impassively. “I just want to get out of here.” </p><p> </p><p>Lexa knew Clarke was losing her wits. She wasn’t sure how Clarke was coping with being pregnant, but sitting in a hospital bed all day, surely wasn’t making this situation better. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want me to stay with you until you are better? I’m sure my mom could watch Gracie at night.” Lexa said, making sure to keep her voice even. </p><p> </p><p>“No, you don’t have to do that, Lexa.” Clarke shook her head. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa frowned at her. “But I want too Clarke.” </p><p> </p><p>“How is the Mustang?” Clarke tried to change the conversation, but realized too late that she shouldn’t have brought it up.</p><p> </p><p>Something dark flashed in Lexa’s eyes, as she sighed loudly. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s completely ruined.” Lexa said quietly. “Costia and I got that car together.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” Clarke said. “I’m sorry.” </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t afford another car right now.” Lexa said seriously, a headache starting to form in the middle of her head. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you have money saved?” Clarke asked easily, and Lexa tried not to roll her eyes. It would only make her headache worse.</p><p> </p><p>“The money I have saved goes to Gracie’s college fund, and if she doesn’t want to go to college, it’ll just be money for her to have. Even if I were to take out that money, it wouldn’t even be enough for a freakin’ down payment on a car.” Lexa explained. Clarke closed her eyes before responding.</p><p> </p><p>“Use my car.” Clarke offered, a small smile playing on her face, but it dropped when she was met with nothing but silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t your mother on that car?” Lexa asked slowly. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh, yes?” Clarke half asked, half answered. </p><p> </p><p>“So she basically owns the thing. She wouldn’t let me anywhere near it, especially after the accident.” </p><p> </p><p>“She will, if I tell her.” Clarke said defiantly.</p><p> </p><p>“Cute,” Lexa sneered. “But it won’t work. If she finds out I’m using her car–-”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Clarke called softly. “Yeah, my parents helped me get a house, but I pay for it. It’s under my name. I pay for that car, but it’s under my mom’s name. It was her twisted way of her telling me that she’s not going anywhere. I pay for the car and it’s half mine, so I get a say. And I’m saying that you should take it.”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa opened her mouth, but Clarke cut her off.</p><p> </p><p>“Besides, I’ll have nowhere to go for a month and you need to get to work and pick Gracie up from daycare. Just use it and we can figure out a way for you to get another vehicle.” </p><p> </p><p>Lexa huffed, her eyes meeting Clarke’s.</p><p> </p><p>“Your mother is creeping me out, babe.” Lexa hesitantly put her hand over Clarke’s, trying to change the topic. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I don’t know what her deal is. But I told my dad, and he’s happy for us.” Clarke tried to smile, but she failed miserably. This didn’t pass Lexa. She saw the grimace that Clarke was trying to cover up.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa was realizing that no matter how many people were happy for them, Clarke wasn’t. It made her heart ache in her chest. She didn’t want Clarke to do something she wasn’t happy with. </p><p> </p><p>But Lexa wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk about this right now. Her head was pounding, and she just wanted to sleep. She just wanted things to go back to the way they were before all of this happened. </p><p> </p><p>“Did you want to see Gracie?” Lexa asked instead of the questions she really wanted to. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want her to see me like this?” Clarke questioned, and there was some truth in her words. Gracie had been through a lot in just her four years of living. Lexa knew how concerned Gracie would be for her, and didn’t want her to see Clarke like this. “I just don’t want to scare her. My injuries are worse than yours. She didn’t see you in a cast.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, yeah, you’re right.” Lexa nodded, before she closed her eyes briefly, her hand unconsciously squeezing Clarke’s. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t blame you, I hope you don’t think I do.” Clarke said softly after a moment. Lexa sighed loudly, before glancing up at Clarke. </p><p> </p><p>Her heart stopped at how soft her blue eyes were. Lexa desperately wanted to believe her, but she couldn’t. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, you should.” Lexa said. </p><p> </p><p>“But I don’t.” Clarke said seriously, not breaking eye contact with Lexa, but it was too overwhelming, and Lexa looked away. </p><p> </p><p>“You could’ve died,” Lexa pointed. “The baby--”</p><p> </p><p>“The baby is just fine.” Clarke said in a tone that sent a chill down Lexa’s spine. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa was realizing that they were going around in circles, they were getting absolutely nowhere with each other, and Clarke wasn’t being upfront about how she was feeling. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want you--”</p><p> </p><p>“Lexa, I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Clarke raised her eyebrows at her, and Lexa scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“So, we’re never going to talk about it?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not saying that, but right now, at this moment, I don’t want to talk about the baby.” Clarke was playing with the thin hospital sheets, refusing to meet Lexa’s eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“There’s these chicken wraps down in the Cafeteria. My mom keeps sneaking them to me, and they are pretty good. Do you want one?” Clarke said, when Lexa went silent. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa looked up at Clarke, her face indifferent as she spoke. She knew she wasn’t going to get Clarke to talk about this, and she wasn’t sure how they were going to get on the same page about her pregnancy. It hurt Lexa’s heart, but at least Clarke was okay.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, Clarke. Whatever you want.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was late when Lexa slipped out of Clarke’s room. Dinner was awkward and Clarke barely ate her food, which worried Lexa, because she was the one that wanted it in the first place, but she didn’t voice her disapproval. </p><p> </p><p>There was only one nurse behind the desk, and Lexa smiled politely, before she headed down the hall. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa wasn’t exactly sure what she was looking for or what she was doing for that matter, when she ran into Jake Griffin. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa lifted a hand in a short wave, before Jake walked over to her. </p><p> </p><p>“Lexa!” Jake exclaimed. “We keep missing each other. How are ya?” </p><p> </p><p>Jake’s beard had grown out, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. She hadn’t really seen him since the disastrous dinner party that happened a while ago. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa was just happy that she ran into Jake than Abby. She wasn’t sure where she stood with Clarke’s father, but it was definitely a better place than Abby. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m better. I’m just worried about Clarke.” Lexa said honestly, as they walked down the hall together. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m so happy she’s pregnant, but I am worried. With everything that’s happening, I know it’s not going to be easy.” Jake said quietly. Lexa frowned because she had no idea what he was talking about. </p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?” Lexa asked. She knew that Clarke was still coming to terms with being pregnant, and they just couldn’t seem to have a decent conversation about it, but Lexa had no idea what Jake meant. </p><p> </p><p>Jake’s eyes widened slightly, realizing that he slipped up. Lexa watched as he stumbled upon his words. It only made Lexa’s worry deepened.</p><p> </p><p>“Is something wrong?” Lexa asked slowly, her confusion apparent in her words. Jake looked like he wanted to tell her what was going on, but he shook his head. </p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t-- I thought that she--” Jake stopped talking, and Lexa wanted to know who <em> she </em> was. “It was nice seeing you, Lexa. We have to catch up sometime.”</p><p> </p><p>And with that, Jake hurried down the hall, leaving Lexa in a world of confusion.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wasn't going to upload today, but this chapter has been written and edited for a couple weeks now. I don't know why I'm getting so bad at uploading but here is a new chapter!</p><p>Enjoy!</p><p>Tumblr: rebelguitargirl</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The day that Clarke was finally being released from the hospital, her mother lingered in the background. They had barely spoken two words to each other since Clarke got admitted to the hospital just over two weeks ago, so the mere presence of Abby was affecting Clarke so much that she snapped when she saw her standing in the doorway. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t need to be here.” Clarke said tensely. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa was in the corner, gathering up Clarke’s clothes, watching her girlfriend with a close eye.</p><p> </p><p>“My daughter is being released from the hospital after getting into a car crash. Not to mention the fact that you are pregnant. I’m not going anywhere.” Abby put her hands behind her back, giving Clarke a look that Lexa was too tired to figure out. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa had a feeling that this back and forth, the tension building between Clarke and her mother, was only going to get worse as the weeks wore on. </p><p> </p><p>There was a nurse waiting in the doorway with Abby, gripping the handles of the wheelchair tightly, probably feeling as awkward as Lexa felt. Lexa wanted to sigh, but she didn’t want to bring attention to herself. Not with Abby so close to her. </p><p> </p><p>But Lexa was watching Abby closely as well, thinking about Jake’s words. She wasn’t sure what was going on with the older woman, and she was beyond scared to even ask her. </p><p> </p><p>“Whatever, just don’t get in the way.” Clarke grumbled as Lexa and the nurse guided her to the wheelchair. Abby hovered, but she didn’t move to help or scold anybody. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke looked cute with a scowl on her face as they left the hospital room, she had been holed up in. Lexa thought Clarke would be happy, but with her mother around, she was grumpier than usual.</p><p> </p><p>“The physical therapist will be at the house this afternoon. I also could get a prenatal–“</p><p> </p><p>“That won’t be necessary.” Clarke glared, and although she wasn’t the one guiding the wheelchair, they all stopped in the middle of the hallway, as Clarke stared up at her mother.</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke.” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t need anything. The physical therapist is enough.” Clarke said, as they all resumed down the hall.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa was eerily quiet, and Clarke wished she would say something. But as the minutes ticked, Clarke knew Lexa wasn’t going to stand up to her mother. </p><p> </p><p>“Who is going to stay with you?” Abby asked seriously. “I’m assuming Lexa will be going back to work. You’ll be all by yourself.” </p><p> </p><p>Clarke sighed, because she knew her mother was right. Lexa was clear to go back to work this week, leaving Clarke on her own.</p><p> </p><p>“Charlotte could stay with her. She’s retired.” Lexa spoke casually. Clarke finally looked over to her, and Lexa offered her a shrug. “If you want.”</p><p> </p><p>“See,” Clarke gloated. “I won’t be alone. I’ll have Charlotte. You don’t need to make arrangements to stay.” </p><p> </p><p>Abby looked like she wanted to say something, but she kept quiet. Lexa was still watching her closely, wondering what she had to say. There was no way Abby didn’t have any comments about this. She wondered if Clarke threatened her to not say anything around her, because whenever Lexa was around, Abby was oddly quiet. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m coming over tonight.” Abby used a tone of finality. It would be a tone that would scare her, if she wasn’t so used to Abby’s threats.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa watched Clarke roll her eyes and she thought that this was, ultimately, what she would have to deal with for the rest of her life—The bickering, the back and forth, the jabs—The thought terrified her, in the greatest way possible. </p><p> </p><p>“Fine. Just don’t get in my way.” Clarke repeated as they went outside. There was a taxi waiting for them, since Lexa didn’t arrange any other ride.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa saw Abby frown in disgust, probably thinking that taxi rides were beneath them, but still, the older lady didn’t say anything.</p><p> </p><p>“Have a safe car ride.” Abby murmured. She looked at Lexa, who tried not to shrink under her gaze, and then she looked at Clarke. Lexa watched as her eyes softened for just a second, Clarke hadn’t even realized, before she looked at the nurse.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Jackie.” Abby said sincerely. The nurse nodded at her before Abby walked back inside. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa watched in amusement as Clarke visibly seemed to relax now that her mother was gone, and went to go help her into the taxi. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Charlotte stayed true to her word, and was sitting outside Clarke’s house when they pulled up. Lexa was in a little bit of a time crunch because she needed to get to work, but she also wanted to make sure Clarke was comfortable with having Charlotte around.</p><p> </p><p>If Clarke wasn’t comfortable, she gave no indication that she was, and Lexa thought that was good enough. She kissed Clarke on her forehead and waved to Charlotte before she got back in the car.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, darling.” Charlotte greeted as she walked over to her. Clarke couldn’t get over how well she looked for her age, and smiled politely. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey. Thanks for doing this.” Clarke said with a slight smile. She had crutches, but Charlotte had wrapped an arm around her middle as they walked inside.</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t you sit down for a spell? And I’ll make you some tea.” Charlotte said as they entered the house and walked toward the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>It took some maneuvering, but Clarke finally settled in the chair at the table while she talked Charlotte through where everything was. </p><p> </p><p>Charlotte was quiet as she worked and Clarke was thankful for the silence. </p><p> </p><p>“I put just a dash of ginger in it,” Charlotte said as she walked over to her, holding a steaming mug in her hands. “It always helped with my morning sickness when I was pregnant.” </p><p> </p><p>Clarke smiled tightly at Charlotte, wondering how she knew, but then again, she would never put anything past the aging woman. </p><p> </p><p>“So, I take it, you and your mother aren’t on speaking terms?” Charlotte asked as she sat down across from Clarke.</p><p> </p><p>“What makes you say that?” Clarke quirked an eyebrow. Although it wasn’t necessarily wrong. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, for starters, she’s not here. And I know she would be here if she could, which probably means you don’t want her here.” Charlotte observed, peering at Clarke closely.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry if I bothered you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh hush child. You didn’t. I’m just curious, so don’t mind me.” Charlotte waved her off, and Clarke offered her another polite smile.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Charlotte asked knowingly after a couple minutes of Clarke silently sipping her tea. </p><p> </p><p>“Besides her trying to control my every move?” Clarke asked with an eyebrow raised. “We don’t necessarily see eye to eye on most things.” </p><p> </p><p>Charlotte just hummed. Clarke knew she probably had more to say, but the stage was Clarke’s right now. </p><p> </p><p>“I guess she’s still upset that I didn’t marry Finn. And I’ll admit I was in love with him, but things were… boring, in a sense. Then I suggested that I get a tattoo and I met your daughter in law and… it was like I could finally breathe again.” Clarke fluttered her eyes, thinking about the very moment she met Lexa, how she had fallen for her before she even knew it. </p><p> </p><p>“I sense some hesitation.” It was scary how well Charlotte was reading her right now. </p><p> </p><p>“My mother micromanages everything I do. I know a mother is supposed to look out for you, but to have them watching and trying to manage everything you do gets annoying after a while. But I feel like… I’m just like her. Y’know? She’s my mother for a reason and I fear I’m going to be just like her.” </p><p> </p><p>Charlotte hummed knowingly, resting her hands on the table. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t think you’ll be a good mother?” She asked.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I <em> know </em> I won’t be a good mother. It isn’t in my blood. My mother is terrible and I have no doubt I’ll be the same.” Clarke said seriously. It was the first time she was voicing her concerns to Charlotte and it felt nice to vent to someone as wise as her. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know what kind of mother you’ll be, until you try.” Charlotte said honestly. “I thought I would be a terrible mother. Every mother goes through it. We can only hope that we are doing our best, but that’s the thing Clarke. We have to at least try. Would you be willing to try?” </p><p> </p><p>Clarke worried her bottom lip in her mouth, her eyebrows pinched together. She took another sip of the tea and sighed heavily.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, Charlotte. I really don’t.” Clarke frowned.</p><p> </p><p>Charlotte smiled politely at her and for the first time, Clarke felt a little uncomfortable. She knew the older woman wasn’t going to say anything to Lexa, but it was hard to voice her thoughts, when her thoughts felt like they were roaming all over the place. Clarke barely had a grasp on them.</p><p> </p><p>“My mother will be here later, though. With my psychical therapist. So, thank you for staying.”</p><p> </p><p>“I meant it when I welcomed you to the family.” Charlotte wanted to say more, Clarke could see it in her face. She had no doubt it was about her being pregnant, about how she was going to have another grandchild in a sense, but she kept her mouth shut. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke didn’t say anything, because there was nothing she could say. She just sipped her tea quietly and silently thanked Charlotte. Her stomach had been rolling all morning, and this tea was really helping her out. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke was content to sit in silence with Lexa’s mother in law as she finished her tea. </p><p>
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</p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Despite the fact that over the last couple of days, it was excruciatingly slow at work, and Lexa barely had any customers, she still wore a smile as she went to pick up her daughter from daycare. She walked through the front door, being greeted by the receptionist, and waiting for them to bring Gracie out. </p><p> </p><p>When Ontari spotted her, she ran straight over, with Gracie on her hip. Gracie reached for her mother with a smile on her face. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Lexa.” Ontari Greeted, her brown eyes wide with concern. “How are you? I heard about what happened.”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa sometimes hated how small this town was. If people heard about the car accident, Lexa wondered what else they knew. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” Lexa said with a nod.</p><p> </p><p>“I was so worried when we found out. I wanted to come see you, but…” Ontari trailed off, and Lexa offered her a polite smile. “If there’s anything you need. If you need us to watch Gracie overtime, there will be no charge.”</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” Lexa said with a tight smile. “But thanks for the offer. And thank you for taking such good care of Gracie while I’m at work. I’m probably going to take her into work with me tomorrow, but she’ll be back on Wednesday.”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa had missed the days where she would bring Gracie into work. Granted, it was much easier keeping her occupied then, Gracie seemed to be all over the place now, but Lexa wanted to spend the day with her daughter. </p><p> </p><p>“I can go to work with you the next day?” Gracie asked excitedly.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course you can, sweetie.” Lexa nuzzled her face in Gracie’s neck, feeling content, before she locked eyes with Ontari. She was looking at them with an odd expression, but she didn’t say anything. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see you soon?” Lexa said as she parted ways. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course. Stay safe!” Ontari called after them as they left the daycare. It was a bit awkward strapping Gracie into Clarke’s car, but Lexa did it anyway. Once Gracie was all buckled, Lexa sighed dramatically. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, what do you want to do now?” Lexa asked, almost devious. They had the whole evening to spend together. There was only one thing Lexa wanted to do tonight, and hoped her daughter wanted to as well. </p><p> </p><p>“We could go home!” Gracie suggested with wide eyes. Lexa shrugged playfully. </p><p> </p><p>“We could.” Lexa nodded. She was getting ready to say something, but her daughter beat her to it. </p><p> </p><p>“We could go see Cwarke!” Gracie said, the excitement shining through her words, and Lexa tried not to smirk. </p><p> </p><p>“That would be a great idea. We should go do that.” </p><p> </p><p>It was a bit cruel. Using her daughter to go and see Clarke. Although things went well as Clarke departed from the hospital, there were a lot of things that they didn’t talk about, and still needed to talk about. Lexa wasn’t sure if Clarke wanted to see her, and figured she would use her daughter as bait.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa was oddly quiet on the way to Clarke’s house. It wasn’t a long drive, twenty minutes at the most. It wasn’t nearly enough time to figure out what she wanted to say to Clarke. </p><p> </p><p>Gracie was chatting about her day in the backseat. She didn’t comment about how they drove a different car now, and she didn’t ask about what happened to the old car, the one with a TV built into the headrest. Lexa was grateful for it, because they were never going to get the Mustang back, and it broke Lexa’s heart. </p><p> </p><p>When they arrived at Clarke’s house, Lexa’s heart dropped. There was a purple Porsche sitting outside and Lexa closed her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t think that Abby would be here. And after a whole day of only having one customer, Lexa was a bit stressed out. She wasn’t in the mood for Abby’s psychological games, especially around her daughter. She also knew that with Abby around, Clarke wasn’t going to talk about what was bothering her. She was going to cover it up, and act like she was fine. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa sighed. She was going to be in for a long evening. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright, sweetie. Come on!” Lexa said with as much cheer she could muster up as she opened Gracie’s door and unbuckled her. She grabbed Gracie’s small backpack and threw it over her shoulder before setting her daughter down to walk. </p><p> </p><p>Gracie immediately shook her head, and reached for her mother. Lexa’s heart melted as she bent down to scoop Gracie back up. Her daughter could be so apprehensive sometimes. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa sighed heavily as she knocked on the door. She would’ve walked straight in, but she knew she would get a mouth full from Abby, and thought better of it. </p><p> </p><p>A nurse in blue scrubs answered the door. Lexa had never seen her before, and offered her a smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi, I’m--”</p><p> </p><p>“Lexa.” The tall, blonde nurse finished for her. Lexa frowned, and the nurse chuckled. “Tall, brunette, gorgeous and a load of tattoos. Clarke told me all about ya. I’m Niylah.”</p><p> </p><p>Niylah held out her hand, and Lexa shook it gently. “And who is this cutie pie?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Grace.” Gracie spoke up, surprising Lexa. “But Mommy calls me Gracie.”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa smiled at her daughter, and so did the nurse. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, come on in.” Niylah moved aside and Lexa set Gracie down, and the little girl found her hand as they walked through the spacious house. </p><p> </p><p>They walked into the living room, and Lexa could smell something cooking in the air. </p><p> </p><p>“Cwarke!” Gracie said, her voice incredibly high--pitched. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa had told her what happened to Clarke, and that she needed to be extremely careful whenever they went to see her. Gracie looked like she wanted to go over to her, but she stayed where she was by her mother. </p><p> </p><p>“Lexa. Gracie.” Clarke sighed happily. She looked out of breath, and was wearing a blue tank top, her tattoo on display. Her hair was up in a ponytail, but Lexa could still see the faint traces of sweat on her neck. </p><p> </p><p>“We were just finishing up here. I’ll see you tomorrow Clarke. It was nice meeting you, Lexa. And you too, Miss. Grace.” Niylah said, as she gathered her stuff up. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Niylah.” Clarke said graciously. Lexa nodded her goodbyes as the nurse left the room. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa went to sit next to Clarke, who was still breathing heavily and Gracie followed her lead, but instead of sitting next to Clarke, she sat in her mother’s lap. </p><p> </p><p>“How was physical therapy?” Lexa asked. Clarke sighed, but there was a trace of smile on her face. </p><p> </p><p>“Niylah doesn’t mess around. She’ll have me up and walking again in no time.” Clarke said. She looked like she wanted to pull Lexa closer to her, but she didn't. It had been so long since there was any form of intimacy between them, and Lexa was going a bit wild from it. </p><p> </p><p>“Is Abby here?” Lexa asked quietly, as if Abby could magically hear them. Lexa definitely wouldn’t put it past her. </p><p> </p><p>“She’s in the kitchen. She refuses to leave, which is getting on my nerves. She’s cooking dinner.” Clarke answered, trying to rearrange the pillow on the coffee table to get more comfortable. Lexa saw the struggle, and moved to help. </p><p> </p><p>She ran her hand down Clarke’s good leg, a silent form of an apology, that Clarke detected right away, before she grabbed the pillow, fluffed it out a few times and guided Clarke’s bad leg up to it. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad you’re okay.” Lexa said sincerely. She leaned into Clarke’s side, finding comfort for a few seconds before leaning away. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad you’re here.” Clarke smirked at her. “It’ll drive my mother wild.”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa gave a good ol natural eye--roll at that. She was thinking that maybe they should leave. Abby didn’t even know they were here, so if they leave now, maybe they could--</p><p> </p><p>“Honey, dinner is almost--” </p><p> </p><p>The hairs on the back of Lexa’s neck stood up, and not in the good way. The way she liked when Clarke would whisper something dirty in her ear or when she was balls--deep inside of Clarke, getting ready to shoot her load. No, Lexa didn’t like the feeling of goosebumps rising on her skin, when Abby walked into the room. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa clutched Gracie closer to her, as if that would somehow shield her from Abby. </p><p> </p><p>“I didn't know we had guests.”  Abby said, wiping her hands on her apron. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> We </em> don’t have anything, because <em> you </em>don’t live here.” Clarke retorted, with a crazy look in her eyes. Abby hummed, not bothering with any formalities before she went back into the kitchen. </p><p> </p><p>“I can leave.” Lexa said, once she was out of earshot, but Clarke shook her head. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you really think I want to stay here all night with my mother?” Clarke asked rhetorically.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sleeping down here?” Lexa asked, looking around the large living room. Lexa wouldn’t be surprised. The couch they were sitting on probably cost more than her house, and it was really comfortable. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, the couch pulls out, and the bed is pretty comfortable. Everything I need is on this floor. My mom put most of my clothes in the closet by the front door.”</p><p> </p><p>Despite their differences, Lexa knew that deep down Abby only wanted what was best for Clarke. Lexa knew this, because all she wanted was what was best for Gracie. But-- Lexa knew that her and Abby would never see eye to eye on things, especially now since she got her daughter pregnant. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s a pretty good set--up.” Lexa commented. Gracie was awfully quiet. Normally by now, she would be all over Clarke or talking her head off, but Gracie had barely uttered a word to her, and wouldn’t look in her direction. </p><p> </p><p>“You guys can stay the night.” Clarke offered. Lexa had a pretty good feeling that Abby was going to stay as well, and was already shaking her head. </p><p> </p><p>“You know I want to be here, but if your mother is going--”</p><p> </p><p>“After dinner, she usually just goes upstairs. She won’t bother us. The bed is big enough for all of us.” Clarke murmured.</p><p> </p><p>“Gracie sleeps like a wild animal. We couldn’t.” Lexa was already shaking her head. </p><p> </p><p>“Then you guys can sleep in my room. My mom has been sleeping in the guest room.” Clarke was trying to reason with her. Lexa had no idea where they stood, but she was glad that Clarke at least wanted her around, even if it was because she didn’t want to be alone with her mother right now. </p><p> </p><p>“If you really want.” Lexa whispered after a moment. “But she could… like.. Kill me in my sleep or something.”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke huffed out a laugh. “Don’t be so dramatic, babe.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stay,” Clarke whispered after a few moments. “Because I wouldn’t be able to handle it if you leave now.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll just have to leave in the morning.” Lexa reasoned.</p><p> </p><p>“But that’ll be the morning and my mother will be gone off to work.” </p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Lexa agreed after a few seconds of thinking it over. She was glad that she wouldn’t have to rush around to get Gracie ready in the morning and nodded her head. “We’ll stay.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was late when Lexa went to go check on Clarke. Dinner was quiet, and tense, but Gracie didn’t seem to notice as she munched on her dinner without a care in the world.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa didn’t like the way Abby kept glancing back and forth between them during dinner, but she <em> still </em> didn’t say anything. It was starting to bother Lexa, because if Abby had something to say, she wished she would just say it already. </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t help that Clarke barely looked at her throughout dinner. Abby was watching her with a close eye, but she was quiet.</p><p> </p><p>But Abby was in the guest room now. Shortly after dinner, Lexa went through Gracie’s nighttime routine as best she could before tucking her into Clarke’s bed. Lexa read her a book, one she had stashed away in her backpack, and before Lexa could get to the end, Gracie was fast asleep. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa stuck around for a moment, stripping down to her boxers and tank top and went into the bathroom so she could brush her teeth. She splashed some cold water on her face before she walked back into the room. When she was sure that Gracie wouldn’t move for the rest of the night, she slipped out of the room and went downstairs. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke was in the same position she was in when they went upstairs.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Lexa. Good.” Clarke smiled when she saw her. It took Lexa off guard, was Clarke really happy to see her? “I need to use the bathroom.” </p><p> </p><p>Lexa sighed. She should’ve known. She didn’t like that they weren’t on the best terms, but were trying to be civil toward each other. Lexa just wished Clarke would talk about it. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa still rushed to her side, no matter how difficult things were with them. Clarke wrapped an arm around Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa struggled a bit because most of Clarke’s weight was on her, but she stood strong. </p><p> </p><p>They hopped their way to the bathroom, Lexa holding Clarke closely before the blonde pushed her hand away roughly.</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke!” Lexa screeched, she scrambled to find her footing or else they were both going to go down.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t touch me there!” Clarke growled. Lexa scrunched her eyebrows in confusion, before she looked down and realized she was holding Clarke around the stomach, her hand squeezing it softly.</p><p> </p><p>“I–” Lexa tried to speak, but her throat was suddenly dry. “I didn’t mean– I didn’t realize–”</p><p> </p><p>“Just– don’t touch me there.” Clarke said it more softly but Lexa was still hurt by her words. She didn’t know if Clarke didn’t want her to touch her stomach because it hurt or because she didn’t want Lexa anywhere near her stomach right now. Lexa knew it was the latter, but tried not to let it affect her as she successfully guided her to the bathroom. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa waited outside until Clarke was ready, and then she carefully wrapped an arm around her waist, avoiding her stomach, as they walked back over to the couch. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa waited a moment, a brief second to see if Clarke didn’t want her there. Clarke looked at her strangely, and patted the bed. Lexa inwardly sighed and laid down next to Clarke. </p><p> </p><p>They were silent for a long while. The heat was hissing above them and the TV was on in the background. When Lexa looked over and saw Clarke’s eyes closed, she sighed heavily. </p><p> </p><p>“I just wish you would talk to me.” Lexa said softly. Clarke opened one eye, before she frowned. </p><p> </p><p>“I am talking to you.” Clarke said adamantly, but Lexa just shook her head. </p><p> </p><p>“Not about what needs to be talked about.” Lexa looked pointedly at Clarke’s stomach, and the blonde sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“I have… nothing to say.” Clarke shrugged, like it was no big deal.</p><p> </p><p>But Lexa saw right through it. She knew this was affecting Clarke, even though she would never admit it. Clarke was suffering in silence, and Lexa didn’t know how to make it better. </p><p> </p><p>“You seriously have nothing to say about you being preg--”</p><p> </p><p>“Lexa, stop.” Clarke growled. </p><p> </p><p>“See!” Lexa accused as she sat up. “You… like… refuse to talk about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“We all handle things differently. I’m sorry I don’t want to talk about it.” Clarke said calmly. </p><p> </p><p>“Clarke, I get that--”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you?” Clarke spoke, suddenly irate. “Do you get it? Lexa, this is the one thing I never wanted to happen, and it’s happening! I’m sorry if I don’t want to talk about it just yet.”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa sighed in annoyance. She knew that she couldn’t keep smothering Clarke about it. She would come to her when she was ready. But the fact that Clarke wouldn’t even acknowledge it, made Lexa feel helpless. </p><p> </p><p>She looked down at her girlfriend, who had her eyes closed so she wouldn’t have to look at her. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want this?” </p><p> </p><p>Clarke hadn’t spoken in over an hour. Lexa was sure that she was asleep, as she stared blankily at the television. Lexa knew exactly what Clarke was talking about. She didn’t need her to elaborate. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa also knew the answer Clarke wanted to hear, and chewed on her lip. </p><p> </p><p>“I want whatever you want,” Lexa said honestly, staring up at the ceiling that seemed so far away now that she was laying down. “I am happy, Clarke. I’m sorry if it doesn’t seem that way. It’s just a lot to take in.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right,” Clarke whispered. “It’s a lot to take in.”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa shuffled over to her, knowing that Clarke needed her close, even if she wouldn’t admit to herself. Lexa wrapped an arm around Clarke’s shoulders, kissing her forehead. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m scared.” Clarke finally admitted it to her. Lexa knew this already. She could tell whenever she would look at the blonde for more than five minutes, something was off. And Clarke finally told her what it was. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s…” Lexa started talking, but stopped shortly. She knew that whatever she said, it wouldn’t change Clarke’s mind. This was a lot on her girlfriend, and Lexa was terrible at trying to make it better. “We can get through this together, Clarke.”</p><p> </p><p>It was quiet again, and Lexa thought Clarke fell asleep again, but then the blonde reached down and squeezed her hand. </p><p> </p><p>“You promise?” Clarke asked in a small voice. </p><p> </p><p>“I promise.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Lexa woke up before Clarke. She was still sleeping on her side, as Lexa crawled over to her and kissed her on the forehead before going upstairs. She didn’t want Gracie waking up all by herself, and hurried to Clarke’s room. </p><p> </p><p>Her little girl was just waking up as Lexa pulled her pants up. She threw her flannel shirt over her shoulder as she walked over to her daughter with a smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, sweetie.” Lexa greeted as she sat down on the bed and patted Gracie's crazy hair. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi, mommy!” Gracie said with a huge smile. She climbed in her lap and after Lexa brushed both their teeth, she took them back downstairs. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa could hear movement in the kitchen and knew it had to be Abby since Clarke was still fast asleep. She had all their stuff together. She could just make a run for it, but Lexa took a deep breath and headed toward the kitchen. </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t say anything to Abby as she sat Gracie in the chair and leaned against the table. </p><p> </p><p>“You staying for breakfast?” Abby asked, not bothering to look over her shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa looked down to her daughter, who had no comprehension of the tension between the two of them. Gracie had no clue what was going on, and Lexa wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. </p><p> </p><p>“Sure.” Lexa said roughly. She sat down, letting the sweet smell of the pancakes consume her, before Abby spoke again.</p><p> </p><p>“How much?” Abby asked. Lexa looked to her daughter, and then back at Abby. </p><p> </p><p>“Just a couple.”</p><p> </p><p>They didn’t speak until Abby was done cooking. Lexa got up to get her daughter some milk, avoiding Abby at all cost before the older lady walked over to them with a plate stacked full of pancakes. </p><p> </p><p>“How much?” Abby repeated. Lexa tried not to frown as she opened her mouth.“Because I can give you however much you need.” Abby finished before she had the chance to say anything. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa huffed out a bitter laugh, suddenly wishing that she had just left when she had the chance. She didn’t know what Abby wanted from her, but she had a clue with all the dirty looks she had been giving her. </p><p> </p><p>“Abby--”</p><p> </p><p>“You ruined her life.” Abby said seriously, and Lexa’s heart dropped. “She was happy. Content. And then you come out of nowhere like some freakin’ hurricane and destroy everything.”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa clenched her jaw as she reached for a couple of pancakes before breaking them up and handing them to her daughter. Lexa glared at Abby as she stood up and walked over to get the syrup. </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t ruin her life, Abby. You did.” Lexa said pointedly. </p><p> </p><p>Abby folded her arms, shaking her head dejectedly. </p><p> </p><p>“You think she wants this?” Abby asked as she gestured between her and Gracie. “She won’t last. She won’t make it. You think she can be a mother? You’re dreaming, Lexa. So, how much is it going to take to get you to leave?”</p><p> </p><p>Lexa turned around sharply, hyper aware that her daughter was watching her every move. She was trying not to let Abby’s words get to her, but this lady was out of her mind. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not… I’m not… <em> leaving</em>.” She would never and Abby wasn’t about to make her. </p><p> </p><p>“I can write you a check right now and--”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?” Clarke asked groggily as she came into the kitchen with her crutches. Lexa was smart enough to know that she shouldn’t say anything, not yet. </p><p> </p><p>“Nothing, honey. How are you feeling?” Abby asked sweetly, her eyes still on Lexa. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?” Clarke asked, noticing how tense her girlfriend was. </p><p> </p><p>Abby looked pointedly at Lexa, who swallowed hard. She didn’t want to fight, especially with Gracie in the room, and she shook her head. </p><p> </p><p>“It was nothing.” Lexa mustered up the best smile she could, which seemed to win Clarke over, as she came over to sit down next to Gracie. </p><p> </p><p>“These pancakes look good.” Clarke nodded her head in approval, and Lexa felt sick to her stomach that she had no idea what her mother was up to. “Lexa, could you get me some juice?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, baby.” Lexa said with a slight smirk at Abby’s obvious disapproval for the term of endearment. She walked over to the refrigerator, hoping that they couldn’t see how bad she was shaking. </p><p> </p><p>She knew Abby was up to something, but she didn’t think it was this. Did she really think that she was going to take the money, and do what? Leave Clarke? Let her raise the baby by herself? Or worse, have Abby try to talk Clarke out of not having the baby.</p><p> </p><p>While Abby was right about how Lexa seemed to come crashing into Clarke’s life. She didn’t think she was the one ruining it. Clarke was struggling, they all knew it. But Lexa couldn’t leave. Not now. Not ever. The thought didn’t sit well with Lexa. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa poured Clarke a glass of juice, before she put the juice back in the refrigerator and closed it. Abby was standing behind the door, her bright eyes determined. </p><p> </p><p>“Just think about it.” </p><p> </p><p>There was nothing to think about. </p><p> </p><p>They both knew this, but Lexa was certain that it wasn’t going to stop Abby from trying again. She wasn’t the biggest fan of Abby, but it hurt that she thought all Lexa wanted was her money, and then she would run. Lexa had made it very clear from day one that she wanted none of Clarke’s money. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa sighed, because this conversation was far from over. She didn’t care what Abby thought about her. She was trying to be there for Clarke because she knew she needed it, although she would never admit it. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa smirked, despite the fear that was creeping its way into her bones. </p><p> </p><p>“There’s nothing to think about.”</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Enjoy! </p><p>Tumblr: rebelguitargirl</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>“Come on, Clarke.” Niylah encouraged her from across her living room. “You are almost there.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s easy for you to say,” Clarke wheezed from where she was. She had barely taken two steps by herself, and she was already building up quite the sweat. “You have two perfectly healthy ankles.”</p><p> </p><p>Niylah was looking at her in encouragement, and Clarke loathed it because she knew she wasn’t making it across the mat. She wasn’t making her way to Niylah, unless Niylah helped her.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke put her hand on the bar beside her, and took a deep breath. </p><p> </p><p>“Come on,” Niylah taunted her, and Clarke glared. “Where is the fierceness that you’ve been showing me this whole time? Where’s the beast? Because I like her.”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s not here.” Clarke grumbled miserably, looking down at her stomach. “She’s fucking tired.”</p><p> </p><p>It had been a week. A week that Clarke didn’t even have words for. She wished she could put into words how she was feeling, but found that it was easier when she just didn’t talk about it. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa had been acting weird all week, and so had her mother. It would’ve been perfectly fine if one of them had been acting strangely, but it was both of them, and Clarke couldn’t quite put into words how much tension was lingering in the air. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke jumped when she suddenly felt a hand wrap gently around her wrist. </p><p> </p><p>“Spacing out on me?” Niylah was smirking down at her, and Clarke tried to straighten her body, but the more she stood up, the more weight she was putting on her bad ankle. “We can take a break if you need it.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Clarke said determinedly. </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a broken ankle right now. I really can’t imagine what it must be like when you're pregnant. I can call Dr. Jackson…”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Clarke gritted out with venom. </p><p> </p><p>She saw Niylah swallow, and she didn’t mean to take her anger out on her, but she was the only one that was here and it was easy.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“We can talk about it, if you want.” Niylah bumped her shoulder casually, but Clarke shook her head. “Well, if you don’t want to talk about it. Can you at least try to walk?”</p><p> </p><p>Today marked the day that Clarke was officially ten weeks pregnant and she was due for another doctor’s visit when she hit twelve weeks. Her morning sickness was absolutely terrible. She already felt sick to her stomach whenever she thought about being pregnant. It only made things worse when she actually got sick in the morning because of it. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa had spent most of the week with her, whenever she wasn’t working, and Clarke could tell something was wrong with her. She always wore a frown on her face whenever she thought she wasn’t looking at her. Clarke wanted to ask what was wrong, but she didn’t think it was fair. She thought it would be pretty hypocritical of her if she tried to ask what was wrong, when Clarke herself never seemed to give Lexa a straight answer whenever she had asked.</p><p> </p><p>Things were tense between them, and it didn’t help that her mother was lingering in the background, seeming to always show up just when the two of them had found some alone time together. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m just so sick,” Clarke grunted out as she took a step forward. It was small and she would barely even call it a step. “Of everyone smothering me.”</p><p> </p><p>Niylah stood at the end of the bar, watching closely as Clarke slowly, but determinedly made her way to the end of it. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sick of the tension. I’m so stressed. Everyone around me is tense and I don’t know if it’s because of the pregnancy or something else.” Clarke took a few more steps forward, grunting the entire way. “I’m so sick of everyone thinking I’m thinking a certain way. I mean, how would they know? How could they possibly know what I’m thinking about this? Because I haven’t said a single thing about it. So they couldn’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>Through Clarke’s rant, she had managed to somehow make her way to the end of the bar. Niylah was practically holding her up by the end of it and led her over to the couch. She handed her a bottle of water, but she didn’t say anything, thinking Clarke had more to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I just want it to stop. Everything,” Clarke took a shaky sip of water. “The morning sickness. The sympathetic stares. The ache in my chest everytime I look down at my stomach.”</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke…” Niylah sighed out, not knowing what else she could say.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke stared blankly at her for a few seconds. Niylah had brought up her pregnancy in the past and Clarke had snapped at her. She didn’t mean to, but the wounds of the car accident were still fresh in her mind. The look of absolute horror that was on Lexa’s face when she had told her she was pregnant was still so vivid in her mind, that she didn’t want to talk about it. </p><p> </p><p>She just couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>So, Niylah was in a bit of an awkward predicament, because this was the most Clarke had said about how she was feeling since they started physical therapy a couple weeks ago, but she also didn’t want to say the wrong thing and watch Clarke retreat back in her shell.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke wasn't taking the pregnancy well, that much was clear to Niylah, so she just kept her mouth shut. </p><p> </p><p>“Time for stretching.” Niylah announced once Clarke had finished half the bottle of water. Clarke groaned in response, but was ready to move once Niylah made her way over to her. </p><p> </p><p>She laid Clarke down on the mats gently before she hovered over her. Clarke kept her head up, and her back against the floor, and was trying to psych herself up for the pain she was getting ready to endure.</p><p> </p><p>She bit down on her lip hard as Niylah grabbed her bad ankle, guiding it to her chest. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck.” Clarke grunted and Niylah gave her a sheepish look, but didn’t say anything. Niylah repeated the actions a couple times, before guiding her leg in the opposite direction. <em> “Fuck!” </em></p><p> </p><p>“What did I tell you about breathing?” Niylah said hotly. “You are <em> not </em> breathing through it. You are waiting until I’m done and that’s--”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay.” Clarke rushed out, knowing that Niylah would spend the next ten minutes lecturing her on the importance of breathing through her stretches. “I’ll breathe.”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke made a show of breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, much to Niylah’s amusement. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t suppose this would be bad timing to ask if I can, y’know, ride the horse again?”</p><p> </p><p>Niylah paused her ministrations with her leg. It wasn’t the best timing. Clarke’s bad leg was high in the air, with Niylah putting her entire body weight against Clarke, stretching her out. Niylah chuckled against her, although her cheeks were turning pink.</p><p> </p><p>“Really, Clarke?” Niylah smirked. “You choose this exact moment to ask me that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Either way, it’s going to be awkward and we are both adults.” Clarke said around a groan. </p><p> </p><p>“If you want to do that, you need to be careful and I mean it Clarke. I shouldn’t even be telling you this. I should be telling you to stay off the ankle, but if you want to. I mean… with your…” Niylah gestured wildly toward her stomach. “Just be careful. Don’t put too much pressure on it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Got it,” Clarke said, somewhat between a moan and a groan. “Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>They finished the stretches in silence, apart from Clarke grunting and groaning beneath Niylah.</p><p> </p><p>When they were done, Clarke downed the rest of her water. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you need me to stick around?” Niylah asked casually, rolling up the mats.</p><p> </p><p>“Charlotte should be here soon.” Clarke answered. “I should be okay.” </p><p> </p><p>Clarke was still breathing heavily as Niylah finished gathering her stuff up. The nurse was oddly silent, watching her with a close eye. Clarke wasn’t directly looking at her, but she knew that look. The softness of her eyes, the frown on her face. It was the same sympathetic look she was talking about and before Clarke could say anything, Niylah schooled her face.</p><p> </p><p>There was still a softness to her face, probably from years of dealing with crippled patients, but her face looked indifferent as she threw her bag over her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I never did congratulate you.” Niylah said softly, and Clarke almost cried. Tears welled up in her eyes as Niylah was looking straight at her stomach. “It doesn’t have to be this hard.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s easy for you to say.” Clarke repeated her words from earlier, but this time her voice cracked and she wrapped her arms tight around her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>Niylah opened her mouth, saw the way Clarke was barely holding it together and then closed it. She knew there weren’t any words to put Clarke at ease, so she didn’t say anything. </p><p> </p><p>Niylah took pride in her work. Loved making her patients feel like there was still hope, but as Niylah looked over to Clarke, she wasn’t sure what storm was brewing behind those once bright blue eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Niylah was aware that she was staring, so she cleared her throat and mumbled a short goodbye before she shuffled out the door, leaving behind a shell, a ghost of a woman. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>“So, let me get this straight,” Anya said from where she was at her station, tattooing a middle aged guy. “She basically tried to offer you money, to leave Clarke alone?” </p><p> </p><p>Lexa grunted, somewhat paying attention to what Anya was saying, but mostly focusing on the college student laying on her stomach, so she could tattoo her shoulder blade. Lexa was just happy they had a few customers.</p><p> </p><p>“Something like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“And tell me again why you didn’t tell her to fuck off?” Anya asked seriously, over the buzz of their pens.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa was in her element, tattooing a flying elephant on the college student, who winced in pain occasionally. She didn’t necessarily want to talk about the conversation she had with Abby a week ago. </p><p> </p><p>Gracie was here. Lexa decided to bring her into work today. She was sitting in the waiting area, eating goldfish and watching the TV mounted to the wall. Octavia and Lincoln were in the back stocking up supplies. Lexa was just happy to be back at work and talking about Abby was putting her in a bitter mood. </p><p> </p><p>“Because,” Lexa answered absentmindedly. “This isn’t about who’s stronger or more powerful. This whole thing is about Clarke; about who can win her over. Sure, Abby has a terrible track record with Clarke, but she’s still her mom.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, and she’s still a bitch. Listen, I think you should–”</p><p> </p><p>“Anya, not in front of the customers.” Lexa said lightly, although she was fairly certain neither of their customers were listening to them, too preoccupied in their own world of technology.</p><p> </p><p>“So we can talk about your sex life in vivid detail, but we can’t talk about Abby?” </p><p> </p><p>“What good would it do?” Lexa sighed, but still focused on her work. She still had another hour or so until she was completely finished. “I’m more worried about Clarke than I am her. She can’t get rid of me. That’s not how this works.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you’re going to suffer in silence?” Anya asked, and Lexa could hear the buzz of her pen slowing down. Anya was almost done with her tattoo. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa took a deep breath, but her hand was steady. She didn’t know what she wanted to do. She barely wanted to tell Anya, but Anya had been there for her when she was at the lowest point of her life– right after Costia died. She could never repay Anya for how much she had done for her and Gracie during that time. Anya was someone Lexa could count on time and again. </p><p> </p><p>And what happened with Abby slipped out of her mouth one particular morning when Gracie was being difficult.</p><p> </p><p>Gracie didn’t want to brush her teeth, didn’t want to put her shoes on unless they were the blue ones so she could match with her best friend, Jason. Gracie didn’t even want to go into daycare that day, and normally <em> (always) </em>Lexa was understanding and patient, but she needed to get to work and Gracie kicked and screamed the entire way into her school.</p><p> </p><p>So when Lexa came into work that morning, she was stressed out and told Anya everything. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Lexa was going over her work with just a light touch of color. “But I’m going to finish up this tattoo and then we can go to lunch. Until then, just drop it.” </p><p> </p><p>But Lexa didn’t want to drop it. She wanted to talk more about it to someone she trusted extremely. Anya could get pretty heated when it came to how people treated her, but she did give great advice and Lexa could use some right now. She didn’t know what to do about Abby, and just thinking about it was giving her a headache.</p><p> </p><p>So she willed herself to focus, even though she could do this in her sleep. College kids came in here occasionally, always wanting something random and small or big and meaningful. Lexa never judged what they wanted because she looked down to her arms, and her legs whenever she wore shorts. Lexa had all kinds of tattoos and never discourage anyone from getting a piece of art on their body. </p><p> </p><p>Focusing on work was easier than focusing on her home life. Gracie was <em> never </em> difficult and Lexa hated to think about it, but ever since the car accident, she’d been acting different. She wasn’t sure how to even approach the topic of what happened. She didn’t think her little girl was suffering from what happened, but something was clearly wrong with her. Lexa just couldn’t figure out what it was, and it terrified her to even think about.</p><p> </p><p>So Lexa pushed her thoughts aside. Even had a little smile on her face and finished up the tattoo she was sure the college student was going to love.</p><p> </p><p>And everything else, she just drowned out by the buzzing sound of her tattoo pen.</p><p>
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</p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was a rare day where Abby was stuck at work, and Gracie was spending the night at Charlotte’s. Lexa wanted Gracie to spend the night with her and Clarke, but the little four year old declined. Straight up said no to Lexa and she frowned because she wasn’t sure where this behavior was coming from.</p><p> </p><p>Her teachers said that Gracie was an angel at daycare. Always helping her friends and never having to be told twice on what to do. Getting Gracie to go to daycare almost everyday was a bit of a struggle, but she clearly enjoyed it whenever she was there. So, Lexa wasn’t sure what was going on with the four year old when she suggested that they spend the night at Clarke’s and she refused.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa asked if she wanted to stay with Anya and Gracie considered it before shaking her head. Then she suggested her grandma’s house and that got a smile out of her. </p><p> </p><p>It was breaking Lexa’s heart that Gracie wasn’t telling her what was wrong like she normally did. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa didn’t necessarily want to spend the night alone with Clarke. She definitely wasn’t avoiding Clarke, they had spent most of the week together, whenever she wasn’t working. But Lexa also hadn’t told Clarke about what happened, and it was putting her on edge. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke didn’t notice it at first, always fussing over her stomach or leg, but Lexa was terrible at hiding things from her.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke noticed it in the way she talked, it was slower than usual. Like she was making sure she never said the wrong thing. It was in the way her shoulders were higher than usual and her jaw would be clenched together the majority of the time. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke didn’t know what was wrong with her girlfriend, and she hoped it wasn’t her. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until they were sitting on the couch later that night, after Lexa went to pick up dinner for the both of them, that Clarke thought maybe she should say something.</p><p> </p><p>“Lexa.” Clarke nudged her with her knee. </p><p> </p><p>They had popped a bag of popcorn after dinner to eat while they watched the movie. Lexa’s eyes were glued to the screen, and Clarke nudged her with her knee again. </p><p> </p><p>“Lexa.” Clarke said her name louder this time, but she could tell Lexa was engrossed in whatever film they were watching. </p><p> </p><p>She decided to take a different approach.</p><p> </p><p>She inhaled deeply, mustering up all the strength, before she pulled herself up on her knees and draped her good leg over Lexa’s lap so that she was straddling her.</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke, you know this is my movie.” Lexa said, trying to peek over her shoulder, but placed a kiss on it nonetheless. <em> Wonder Woman </em>was on and Lexa knew that Clarke knew that she took her superhero movies seriously, especially when it came to badass women. </p><p> </p><p>“We can make our own movie right here.” Clarke whispered in her ear, loving the way Lexa’s eyes went wide.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa didn’t protest when Clarke started kissing her neck, sucking here and there, biting down on the skin. Lexa drew in a hiss, as Clarke licked over her bite mark. She still had her eyes on the TV, but when Clarke leaned down for a kiss, she finally closed her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke immediately moaned into the kiss, trying not to get entirely too lost in the sensation of Lexa’s lips, but it was hard when Lexa was sucking them desperately in between her own. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke broke the kiss, only for Lexa to follow her. Lexa wrapped her hands tighter around Clarke’s hips, as Clarke softly wrapped a hand around her neck. </p><p> </p><p>“I thought your movie was on.” Clarke said playfully in her ear. Lexa groaned against her when Clarke bit down on it. </p><p> </p><p>“And I thought we were going to make our own.” Lexa’s voice was low and it sent Clarke’s stomach swimming as Lexa slowly licked across her lips, before she kissed her again. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke whimpered when Lexa’s tongue invaded her mouth, sucking all the air out of her lungs and she rocked her hips into Lexa’s. Lexa hissed sharply, gripping Clarke by her waist.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke could feel Lexa fumbling beneath her, trying to pull her sweatpants down. She placed a hand over Lexa’s, effectively stopping her. </p><p> </p><p>“Wait, wait.” Clarke whispered between them and Lexa looked up at her with dark eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna go get the camera?” Lexa whispered excitedly, and for a second Clarke wanted to. She wanted to forget all the animosity between them and just get lost in each other.</p><p> </p><p>But this was the first night in weeks they were actually alone. And while Clarke wanted nothing more than to stay right here, having Lexa pull her pants down so she could sink down inside of her was a very pleasurable thought, but she sighed and climbed off Lexa’s lap.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re tense.” Clarke said with a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it softly to prove her point.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa let out a long sigh, and Clarke tried not to look down at the bulge in her pants.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” Lexa reassured her, grabbing a hold of her hips and trying to guide her back to where she was. Clarke kissed her forehead but she didn’t move.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?” Clarke asked knowingly and Lexa sighed again.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Gracie.” Lexa admitted softly.</p><p> </p><p>“Did something happen?” Clarke was putting loose strands of hair behind Lexa’s ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you noticed that she barely talks to you?” Lexa asked with a frown.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke spluttered because she hadn’t noticed it at all.</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t–”</p><p> </p><p>“Because normally she talks to you. Sure, she asks to see you but whenever we get here she’s really quiet. She’s been acting up a bit and I just don’t know what to do.” </p><p> </p><p>“I just thought that she was being shy.” Clarke answered pathetically, but Lexa shook her head. “Should we talk to her?” </p><p> </p><p>“Would you be willing?” Lexa lifted her eyebrows in question. Clarke looked into the soft, scared eyes of her girlfriend and found that she wouldn’t mind at all.</p><p> </p><p>“I would.” Clarke said, this time climbing back into Lexa’s lap. She kissed her once, then twice and she was getting ready to go in for a third, but stopped just short of her lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice.” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay.” Lexa said, before pressing her lips into hers. Clarke pressed harder, deepening the kiss as Lexa successfully pulled her pants down.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke’s stomach was swimming in excitement, when she realized what was about to happen. Clarke could feel Lexa's bulge against her butt and her insides burned as Lexa kissed her way down her neck. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa looked back up to Clarke suddenly, and for a second she was confused, but then she caught on to the questioning look. Clarke nodded and Lexa wasted no time groping her boobs as her other hand was trying to remove her shorts. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke placed a hand on Lexa’s shoulder, trying to balance herself, but also trying to help Lexa remove her shorts. Clarke squeezed her shoulder, humming as they reconnected their lips again. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke kissed Lexa again, her tongue deep into her mouth but she frowned when she pulled away. Lexa was still occupied with trying to remove Clarke’s shorts from over her cast, when she stopped her again. </p><p> </p><p>“Something else is wrong.” Clarke said as she pulled away. They were inches away from each other and Lexa was panting underneath her.</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke!” Lexa said in slight frustration. “I’m trying to–”</p><p> </p><p>And then Lexa gestured down to Clarke’s shorts, but she shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t getting anything until you tell me what’s truly going on, besides Gracie.” </p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t matter.” Lexa said after a moment, giving her a look Clarke had never seen before.</p><p> </p><p>“It clearly matters enough to be thinking about it right before we were about to have sex.” Clarke answered softly. She knew that Lexa could flip the tables on her if she wanted to. Try to get her to tell her what was going on with her, but this was different. Clarke’s pregnancy wasn’t going away any time soon, but whatever Lexa was bottling up inside her could. </p><p> </p><p>“It was your mom.” Lexa said in a voice Clarke had never had before. It was soft, but hard at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Clarke prompted when Lexa went silent. She was staring at the screen. One of her favorite movies was on, but Clarke knew she wasn’t truly watching it. </p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t matter.” Lexa said again, and this time Clarke gently climbed off her lap, sitting beside her.</p><p> </p><p>“It does matter,” Clarke whispered into her hair. “Tell me what happened, baby.” </p><p> </p><p>It took a moment but then Lexa told her everything about that morning over a week ago. Lexa was nervous because she knew that Clarke already had issues with her mother and she didn’t want to make them worse, but there was no denying it. Lexa told Clarke what Abby was trying to do, and she watched in slight fear as Clarke was basically fuming at the mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke was pulling her shorts up, and Lexa tried to help but Clarke gently reassured her that she didn’t need any help.</p><p> </p><p>And then Clarke was up and off the couch in a flash, everything was happening in a blur that was how fast Clarke was moving. </p><p> </p><p>“Clarke…” Lexa pleaded for Clarke to calm down. It was nearing 10 o’clock at night and it was freezing outside. She didn’t want Clarke leaving the house.</p><p> </p><p>But Clarke wasn’t listening as she awkwardly put on one shoe, her keys already in her hands.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa knew in the back of her mind already where Clarke was about to go. Who she was about to see and her heart dropped.</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke. Don’t do this.” Lexa said desperately, trying to get a hold of Clarke but the blonde was angrily, and awkwardly making her way to the front door.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke yanked the door open and looked back.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be right back.” Her voice was oddly soft, given the heated mood she was in. If it was under slightly different circumstances, Lexa would totally be turned on right now.</p><p> </p><p>That made Lexa think of something as Clarke got into her car. They both knew that her driving right now would be a terrible idea, but it wasn’t stopping Clarke as she turned her car on.</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke. Wait! What about our movie?!” The car door was still open as Lexa called from the front porch. </p><p> </p><p>That crazy look was still in Clarke’s eyes as she slammed her door closed and rolled down the window. </p><p> </p><p>“We can make the movie when I come back. Go make sure the camera is charged but right now, I’m going to take care of things with my mother!”</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the wait, enjoy!</p><p>Tumblr: rebelguitargirl</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>Clarke knew from the minute she stepped into the lobby of the hospital that this was a terrible idea. She didn’t mind confronting her mother, but the searing pain of her leg almost made her cry, before she remembered the look on her girlfriend’s face. </p><p> </p><p>“Clarke! I don’t think you should–”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke drowned out the pleas of the nurses, and ignored the crazy look on Dr. Jackson’s face before heading to the top floor of the building. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke didn’t listen as she went into the office where she knew her mother would be. </p><p> </p><p>It took five seconds for Abby to look up from what she was doing, Clarke counted angrily the whole time, and huffed when her mother met her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell is wrong with you?” Clarke didn’t give her mother any time to answer. It wouldn’t have made a difference anyways if she had waited. Her mother was looking at her with a composed expression, and Clarke could feel her blood boiling inside her, fueling her with energy she definitely didn’t have right now. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke was standing awkwardly inside her mother’s office, the pain in her leg making it almost impossible for her to breathe. There were cushy couches all around her, but she refused to sit down.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been very patient with you. Taking over my house, projecting your views on my pregnancy.” Clarke said, and she didn’t wince when she did. This was the first time she had said the word so boldly, so definite as if she had accepted the fact that she had been pregnant this entire time.</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t said anything.” Abby said indifferently, going back to the various amounts of papers that were cluttering her desk.</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t have to!” Clarke said exasperatedly. “All you had to do was look at my stomach and I knew. You didn’t want me to be pregnant.” </p><p> </p><p>Abby finally stopped pretending like she was keeping busy, shooting her daughter a look Clarke hadn’t seen in a long time. She remembered how bad of a temper her mother had. How if Clarke said anything she didn’t agree with, she would blow up, making it a bigger deal than it ought to be. </p><p> </p><p>“Clarke, you can’t seriously tell me that you want to be pregnant right now.” Her mother sounded so sure of herself. It was making Clarke want to tell her how wrong she was. How her mother didn’t know anything about her, but that would’ve been wrong. Abby <em> did </em> know everything about her. </p><p> </p><p>It was causing the older woman to sit back in her black leather office chair, with a wide smirk on her face. </p><p> </p><p>“You just couldn’t leave it alone, could you?” Clarke wanted to tell her mother that she didn’t know what she was thinking. She couldn’t know what she was thinking, because she hadn’t told her anything, but Clarke didn’t want to give her mother that leverage right now. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going to sit back and watch this woman ruin your life,” Abby crossed her arms. “You’ve been with Finn for years and never once gotten pregnant and then Lexa comes around and gets you pregnant? She’s no good for you, sweetie and I think you should–”</p><p> </p><p>“Mom, <em> stop!” </em> Clarke said exasperatedly. Her voice was bold, strong, but her insides felt like they were liquidating as the seconds wore on. </p><p> </p><p>Abby stood up then, giving Clarke that same look. Like she was fifteen again and had been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to. </p><p> </p><p>“You’ll see eventually. You’ll come to the realization that Lexa isn’t the one for you.” Clarke bit her tongue as her mother spoke. She hadn’t been official with Lexa for that long, but she knew how she felt about her. Her mother just didn’t have a clue and it was tiring her out trying to explain it to her mother. Clarke’s energy was draining by the minute. The longer she was on her leg, the worse her mood got. </p><p> </p><p>“Stop thinking you know anything about my relationship.” Clarke spoke angrily, years of emotions coming to light. “Ever since I was a little girl, all you did was put me in a box and you only took the lid off when it was convenient for you. That’s not how this is going to work. You can’t keep suffocating me like this.” </p><p> </p><p>Abby was looking at her strangely. Clarke was trying to figure out what she was trying to tell her. She didn’t say anything as she rounded her desk and leaned against it. </p><p> </p><p>“Sit down.” Abby said, noticing how her daughter was visibly wincing in pain.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Honey, sit down.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t honey me.” </p><p> </p><p>There was a part of Clarke that wanted to give into Abby’s pleas. Her leg was killing her. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and her stomach was swimming with all the sudden motion. </p><p> </p><p>A part of Clarke wanted to hold onto the mother that she once knew, but then she thought back to her teenage years. How cold and distant her mother was. How she would lock herself in Emma’s room for what seemed to be hours on end. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke hardly recognized the woman standing in front of her. She didn’t care how much pain she was in right now. She didn’t care if she collapsed on the floor. She wasn’t going to sit down. Abby sighed in what seemed like disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t mind if you were pregnant,” Clarke knew by the sound of her voice that Abby had more to say, and Clarke knew she didn’t want to hear any of it. “But you decided to procreate with that–”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke wasn’t sure what her mother was going to say. She was positive she didn’t want to know though, and cut her off.</p><p> </p><p>“Watch what you say.” </p><p> </p><p>Their conversation was getting nowhere. Clarke basically came down here for no reason. She had every intention of telling her mother to back off. To tell her that she couldn’t get away from what she did to Lexa. Clarke wanted to protect Lexa at all cost, but her leg was screaming at her to sit down, and sweat was forming on her brow. Clarke just wanted to leave now. </p><p> </p><p>“Honey, please just sit.” Abby pleaded again. Clarke placed a hand on the back of the couch, her other hand reaching out to her stomach, digging her fingers into it as if that would make it stop swirling. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke felt like she was going to throw up and as Abby reached out to her, she jerked away. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t touch me!” Clarke screamed at her. “Don’t talk to my girlfriend. Don’t talk to Gracie. Why won’t you just leave me alone?” Clarke knew the answer. As long as Abby Griffin was alive, there was no way she was leaving her one and only daughter alone. </p><p> </p><p>“I need to tell you something.” Abby spoke, her hands still hovering over her daughter who was swaying slightly. Clarke was sure that this was a trap and tried to turn around. “Wait, please!”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke turned around at the desperation in her mother’s voice. It was a tone she hadn’t heard in a long time. A tone she hadn’t heard since her mother had told her, her Great Aunt had passed away when she was ten years old. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke wanted to know what her mother was up to, but a part of her really wanted to leave because at least she could sit while she was driving home. </p><p> </p><p>She remembered Lexa and the movie that they were watching before they decided to try and make a movie on their own. She had envisioned those beautiful green eyes, the boner that was rock hard against her butt, and suddenly, Clarke didn’t want to be here anymore. </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t listen to her mother’s pleas for her to stay. She wanted to get as far away from her mother and this building as possible. Clarke had her hand on the door handle, preparing to yank it open before her mother had shattered her heart, and Clarke was sure there was no way anyone could pick up the pieces. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Clarke was going slightly insane. She’d been in her house far more than any public place. After the news her mother dropped on her, getting out of the house didn’t sound like a bad idea.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke knew she couldn’t. Niylah told her she shouldn’t go anywhere unless she truly needed to. She had dropped off Lexa at work this morning, and Anya was bringing her back home so they could have dinner together. </p><p> </p><p>The longer Clarke stayed inside the house, the longer she mulled over what her mother had told her, but before she could bring herself to truly think about it, a voice in her head stopped her every time. </p><p> </p><p>It had been a week since she had seen her mother last. Clarke wondered briefly if her father knew. If he had kept this from her the entire time. If he did know, how long did he know? How long did her mother know?</p><p> </p><p>Clarke’s thoughts were interrupted when her phone buzzed loudly on the coffee table her bad leg was resting on. She saw the caller ID, and tried to sound as happy as she possible could when she connected the call. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Clarke.” Lexa greeted over the phone. Clarke could hear the smile in her girlfriend’s voice, and it pulled a genuine smile out of her. Her smile was wiped off a second later. </p><p> </p><p>“I have a last minute customer but it shouldn’t take more than an hour. Would you be willing to pick Gracie up?” Lexa asked. “If not, I’m sure I can get Anya to–”</p><p> </p><p>“You want me to pick Gracie up?” Clarke repeated. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa sighed, her voice sounded distracted, like she was already with a customer. </p><p> </p><p>“If it wouldn’t be any trouble. Charlotte is out of town and David is still working. My mother is working and--”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke cut Lexa off. It would be a great way to get out of the house and stop thinking about her mother. Clarke wasn’t sure what she was going to do with Gracie. Ever since she got into the accident, Gracie had been clinging to her mother a bit more now that Clarke had thought of it. Clarke was sure that maybe Gracie didn’t even want to see her. </p><p> </p><p>But still, Clarke agreed because her girlfriend was already going through a lot and she didn’t want to add more to her plate when she was able to get Gracie when no one else was available. </p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s okay. I can get her. I need to clear my head anyways.” Clarke hadn’t meant for that to slip out. She had regretted it the second it came out. She could already picture the frown on Lexa’s face. </p><p> </p><p>“Is everything okay?” Clarke had spent the last week pretending everything was fine and since they were talking over the phone, it was easier to lie. </p><p> </p><p>“Everything is fine, baby. I’ll pick up Gracie and you just come home when you can.” </p><p> </p><p>Clarke didn't have time to process how domesticated she sounded. She supposed she had fallen into a housewife role when she was engaged to Finn. The man didn’t do a lick of cleaning around the house, leaving Clarke to do the majority of the housework. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke didn’t stay on the phone long after that. She tried to hang up the phone as quickly as she could after she reassured Lexa after what seemed like the hundredth time that she was okay. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke grabbed her keys and wobbled out of the door, her heart racing as she started her car. </p><p>
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</p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Clarke pulled up to the daycare, she saw kids trickling out. Clarke frowned, asking herself if she really had to go in, but she knew Gracie was waiting with all the other eager kids to go home. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke sighed heavily, her cast made her feel like she was walking around with steel and groaned quietly with every step. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi, I’m here to pick up Gracie.” Clarke said once she entered the entirely too flamboyant building, trying to sound as normal as possible. Clarke had been on Gracie’s emergency pickup list, just in case, and was glad in circumstances like this. “I’m Clarke.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yes.” The receptionist offered her a nice smile. “She’ll be right out.” </p><p> </p><p>Clarke waited with a thin smile, drumming her hands against her bad leg. It was starting to hurt, and she wanted to get back to the car so she could sit down. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t long before a familiar woman brought Gracie out. Her curls were flowing gracefully behind her and she was wearing purple sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt with dinosaurs all over them. </p><p> </p><p>She offered Gracie a small smile when she saw her. Gracie had barely returned the smile as her teacher, Ms. Ontari, her name tag read, walked out with her.</p><p> </p><p>“Here she is,” Ontari said with a curious smile, but she didn’t address any concern so Clarke offered her a smile as well, counting down the minutes until this was over. She could faintly hear the sound of other kids screaming and laughing and wanted to hurry this up. “She had a great day.” </p><p> </p><p>Ontari had her hand on Gracie’s shoulder, nudging her in Clarke’s direction.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Clarke.” Gracie’s words were starting to become more clearer and Clarke genuinely smiled down at her. She could tell Gracie wanted to be picked up, but Clarke settled for grabbing her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Gracie. Say bye to your teacher.” Clarke said sweetly and Gracie waved at her as they walked out into the brisk cold. Gracie pulled on her purple coat that looked a size too big. Clarke was bundled up in a hoodie, coat and sweatpants as she ushered them to the car. </p><p> </p><p>Gracie didn’t say anything to her as she buckled her into her car seat. Clarke frowned slightly because even if she didn’t want to hear it, Gracie would chatter about her day. Gracie was completely silent as Clarke drove home. It did nothing to stop herself from thinking about her mother. </p><p> </p><p>It was quiet when they got home. Clarke didn’t realize how big her house was until she looked down to Gracie, looking around curiously.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s mommy?” Gracie asked as soon as they entered the house. They walked further in and Clarke sighed in relief when she sat down on the couch. “Something wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Clarke answered. “Your mommy is at work, so I picked you up.” </p><p> </p><p>Usually by now, Gracie would be making her way over to her, sitting in her lap even if Clarke didn’t welcome it. Gracie had barely moved, standing next to the couch.</p><p> </p><p>“I want mommy.” Gracie said quietly, and Clarke frowned again. </p><p> </p><p>They hadn’t hung out alone in a while, but they have before and Gracie had never said those words. Even back before when Clarke could barely put her diaper on straight. So, Clarke wasn’t sure how to respond to that. </p><p> </p><p>“She’ll be here when she’s done with work.” Clarke was trying to be patient, but she could tell by the look on Gracie’s face that she was about to start crying. </p><p> </p><p>“Gracie…” Clarke trailed off softly, not knowing what to say. Gracie didn’t look up at her, didn’t budge when Clarke awkwardly held out her hands.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke wanted to groan, but she composed herself.</p><p> </p><p>“Why won’t you talk to me?” Clarke asked as she shuffled over to where Gracie was, making sure she didn’t put any pressure on her bad leg. Gracie didn’t answer and when Clarke finally reached her, the little girl flinched when she tried to reach for her.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke tried not to show her surprise, but Gracie had never flinched away from her before. This entire behavior was concerning to Clarke, because she didn’t know how to handle it. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke noticed how Gracie would look at her cast every few seconds, and the realization hit her.</p><p> </p><p>“Does my leg scare you?” Clarke asked, wondering where the softness was coming from.</p><p> </p><p>It took a couple seconds for Gracie to nod. Clarke swallowed, but it couldn’t have been the only reason that Gracie was being weird toward her and acting up for her mother.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked helplessly. The look on the four year old’s face resembled the one Lexa had given her a week ago. It freaked Clarke out. </p><p> </p><p>But a four year old should never have such a troubled expression on her face. Clarke knew nothing about kids, but the look Gracie gave her terrified her. </p><p> </p><p>“Something went wrong with mommy and you.” Gracie said quietly, her bottom lip quivering. “Mommy was hooked up to big machines!” </p><p> </p><p>Gracie used her hands as she talked, looking exactly like Lexa.</p><p> </p><p>“Did that worry you?” Clarke asked after a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” Gracie said honestly.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke bit her lip, wondering if she should ask why. She didn’t know the type of response she would get. She wouldn’t know if she would be the right person for Gracie to talk about this to. She thought about calling Lexa, but she knew she was working so Clarke sucked it up, and took a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Why did it bother you?” Clarke asked, still trying to get Gracie to look at her, but was failing miserably.</p><p> </p><p>“Mama got boo–boos and went to the sky. I don’t want mommy to go to the sky,” Gracie said in a tone that almost melted Clarke’s heart. “I don’t want <em> you </em> to go to the sky.” </p><p> </p><p>Clarke was overwhelmed when Gracie looked up, her big brown eyes boring into hers. Her face was the exact replica of Lexa’s. </p><p> </p><p>“We aren’t going to… the sky.” Clarke answered, wishing she had sounded more confident, but the answer got Gracie to look at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Mommy is fine, and I’m fine as well.” Clarke said, gesturing down to her leg. “I just can’t walk straight. It hurts when I put pressure on my ankle so I wear a cast. It’s nothing to be afraid of.”</p><p> </p><p>Gracie was looking at her cast for a moment, trying to find a flaw in Clarke’s words. Clarke took a deep breath. She had just sat down moments before but she wanted to show Gracie that she was okay.</p><p> </p><p>So, She pulled herself up and stood next to Gracie.</p><p> </p><p>“See, I’m fine.” Clarke said, thinking about all the times Gracie had gone nowhere near her since she’d been released from the hospital. It made sense, how apprehensive Gracie was toward her.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke didn’t notice it at first, but now she was realizing that Gracie was scared. She didn’t know if she was scared of her or what had happened or both.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke waited until Gracie looked up at her.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want anything to happen to you like Mama.” Gracie was giving her that serious look again, and Clarke wasn’t trying to distract her, but she definitely didn’t want Gracie looking the way she did when Lexa got here. </p><p> </p><p>“Gracie, nothing is going to happen to me.” Clarke didn’t like making the promise, but she would do anything to wipe the deep frown off Gracie’s face. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, how about we build a fort?” Clarke asked after a second, when Gracie still wasn’t convinced that everything was somewhat okay. </p><p> </p><p>“A fort?!” Gracie looked up at her with big, wide eyes, suddenly excited. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we can make it out of the couch right there. We could even hang lights on the outside.” Clarke almost cursed herself for promising that. Those fairy lights were in the basement and Clarke scolded herself for putting herself in that situation.</p><p> </p><p>It got a smile out of Gracie though. A true smile, not the small forced smile she had when Clarke picked her up from daycare. This smile was with all her little white teeth and Clarke figured she could survive a trip down the stairs if it meant that Gracie would be happy.</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds like fun!” Gracie said with excitement and Clarke patted herself on the back, because she wasn’t sure what she would’ve done had Gracie started crying.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” Clarke said. She didn't want Gracie to wander around and get lost. She knew it would only take a couple minutes, maybe even more now with her fractured leg. </p><p> </p><p>When Clarke got back from the basement, Gracie was in the same spot she had left her. Gracie watched with curious eyes as Clarke went to grab blankets from the ottoman. Clarke wasn’t sure what she was doing. She had never made a fort before.</p><p> </p><p>She looked over to the couch adjacent from the one Gracie was standing at and hummed.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” Clarke muttered under her breath, attentive to the way Gracie kept her eyes on her. She was aware that she looked like an idiot, holding a bunch of blankets in her arms and having no clue what to do with them, but then she looked over to the mid–size lamp in the corner of the living room and smirked. “Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Gracie wasn’t much help as Clarke tried to prepare everything. She was winded, but she was almost done and Gracie was smiling at the progress. Clarke was just glad this was starting to look more like a fort and less like a pile of blankets. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke was almost finished putting the fairy lights on when Lexa texted and said she was almost done. Clarke looked over to Gracie who was practically jumping with excitement, and Clarke was pretty excited herself.</p><p> </p><p>She turned the couch so that it was facing the TV and she ordered pizza and wings and that stuffed cheesy bread that she was suddenly craving for dinner and as Clarke put the last string of lights up, she looked at her masterpiece in delight. She had most of the blankets draped over the lamp so there would be space for all of them to actually sit on the couch instead of the floor. Clarke wasn’t sure she could watch an entire movie or spend the majority of her time in the fort on the floor. But it was still pretty with the sparkling lights and the pillows littering the floor. </p><p> </p><p>“C‘ mom Gracie.” Clarke said as she gestured for the little girl to walk over to her. “Do you like it?”</p><p> </p><p>Gracie was nodding enthusiastically as Clarke limped over to the coffee table to grab the remote so they could watch TV while they waited for the food and Lexa.</p><p> </p><p>Gracie was hesitant when she entered the fort, but she still had a curious smile on her face. Clarke honestly didn’t put it past Gracie to be a little nervous. Clarke struggled through the entire fort–building process. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s so cool!” Gracie said, a sure smile on her face now that she saw it was safe. She eyed Clarke’s leg, but she still reached for her. Clarke tried not to groan as she pulled Gracie up and was surprised when she stayed in her lap.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke wasn’t sure what she was feeling as Gracie nuzzled her head into her chest, her feet resting against her thighs. She was so small compared to Clarke, and it amazed her.  </p><p> </p><p>Clarke settled for something that was age–appropriate for Gracie. It was some animated show with big talking monster trucks, but Gracie seemed to be into it.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take long for Lexa to get to her house. She walked through the door, calling out Clarke’s name and then Gracie’s. Clarke held her finger up to her lips, letting out a slight giggle and Gracie did the same before she hushed herself, both her little hands covering her mouth. </p><p> </p><p>They both could hear Lexa’s footsteps. Clarke nervous and Gracie giddy as Lexa walked through the house.</p><p> </p><p>“Where are you–” Lexa cut herself off as she looked over to the two of them cozy in the fort, a half smile gracing her face. </p><p> </p><p>“Surprise!” Gracie giggled out, carefully climbing off Clarke’s lap and running toward her mother. “Mommy!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oof!” Lexa groaned as Gracie came crashing into her. Clarke took her time getting up for her spot, mostly because her leg was aching now and she wanted Gracie to have a moment with her mother.</p><p> </p><p>Gracie was kissing Lexa’s cheek repeatedly as Clarke limped over to them.</p><p> </p><p>“She really missed you.” Clarke said as a way of explanation to Lexa’s questioning eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa was about to say something, but they were interrupted by the doorbell. Clarke was getting ready to get the door, but Lexa softly put a hand on her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I got it.” Lexa said as she walked to the door, paid for the pizza and walked back over to them.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna eat in the kitchen and then come back to the fort?” Lexa asked. Gracie was following both of them, her little legs trying to keep up.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” Gracie answered as Lexa helped her into her seat and went to get plates for everyone.</p><p> </p><p>“How was your day?” Lexa asked Gracie, and Clarke was a bit jealous when she openly talked about her day. Clarke had barely gotten a peep out of her when she asked.</p><p> </p><p>Gracie was still talking as Lexa came back over from getting the plates. There was a bright smile on her face as she watched her mother, and Clarke felt something tug at her heart. Gracie was so happy when Lexa was around. Her face scrunching up and showing all her teeth happy. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa tickled Gracie’s sides, a sweet laugh tumbling from her lips as she tried to get away from her mother. Lexa stopped so she could plate the pizza and give it to Gracie.</p><p> </p><p>“And you? How was your day?” Lexa was looking at Clarke with a soft look. Clarke almost melted from it.</p><p> </p><p>“It was pretty boring.” Clarke answered honestly. “Didn’t do much.” </p><p> </p><p>Lexa still smiled at her answer as she put a couple pizza slices on Clarke’s plate, sliding it over to her.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s the deal with the fort?” Lexa asked in her ear when she sat down next to her, Gracie across from them. Gracie claimed she was a big girl and could eat the big slices of pizza by herself. Lexa chuckled in amusement and went around the table to sit by her girlfriend. </p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t been fair to you, and I’m sorry.” Clarke said under her breath so Gracie wouldn’t hear them. Clarke knew it was going to take more than a fort, more than picking up Gracie when Lexa had no one else to get her. Clarke knew it was going to take a lot more for them to be alright again, but at least this was a step in the right direction. </p><p> </p><p>Gracie put food away just like Lexa and was in her own little world as she ate her pizza and sipped her juice. </p><p> </p><p>Lexa turned slightly toward Clarke and raised her eyebrows making Clarke sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s scared of me.” Clarke said, still not knowing how she felt about it.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” Lexa frowned, but Clarke didn’t answer. Gracie was watching the both of them now and Clarke almost paled.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa offered her daughter a smile, but the little girl didn’t return it. Clarke was nervous because she wasn’t sure if Gracie was going to bring up their conversation from earlier. The look of the four year old’s face wasn’t as intense as before, but she still had that same curious glint in her eye. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad you came back to me, mommy.” Gracie said and Clarke saw the way Lexa’s eyes widened.</p><p> </p><p>“Where else would I have gone?” Lexa asked before she realized how pathetic her question was.</p><p> </p><p>“In the sky with mama.” Gracie said quietly, picking at her pizza now. Clarke swallowed hard, her face now visibly pale and Lexa didn’t look any better.</p><p> </p><p>She had a frown on her face, wondering where all this was coming from.</p><p> </p><p>“Sweetie, I’m always going to come back to you.” Lexa said, the intensity in her voice made Clarke shiver. “I promise you that.”</p><p> </p><p>That made Gracie smile, and Lexa would’ve pushed further. Would’ve questioned why her daughter would say something like that. </p><p> </p><p>But Lexa didn’t press. She wanted to soak in being in the presence of her two favorite girls. The inevitable talk she needed to have with Gracie was nearing and Lexa was terrified, but she didn’t want to hold it off anymore. She needed Gracie to understand some things and she wanted to clear up any doubts her little girl had. </p><p> </p><p>Gracie started eating again as Lexa looked over to Clarke, knowing that they had <em> a lot </em> they needed to discuss and sort out as well. </p><p> </p><p>But Lexa had a long day, and all she wanted to do was stuff her face with pizza and go enjoy the fort with her girls. </p><p> </p><p>Clarke was shoving the pizza into her mouth and when Lexa looked over at her, she smiled sheepishly. Lexa returned the smile though, resisting the urge to want to kiss Clarke because Lexa could feel Gracie’s eyes on her.</p><p> </p><p>When Gracie was done eating, Lexa cleaned her up and they disappeared upstairs so that Lexa could change her daughter into her pajamas. Gracie had some clothes stashed away here, for those impromptu trips over here, and Lexa went over to her drawer to pull out an outfit.</p><p> </p><p>Gracie looked content as Lexa helped her change. Her daughter had a death grip on her and Lexa was trying to act normal. She kissed her forehead as she sat Gracie down on the bed so she could change into some comfortable clothes.</p><p> </p><p>Once they were done, they headed back downstairs to where Clarke was popping a bag of popcorn. It was Lexa’s choice on what they were going to watch tonight, which really meant it was Gracie’s. The little girl wanted to watch <em> Moana</em>, but there were no objections to it as they all cuddled inside the fort that night.</p><p> </p><p>The fort acted like a shield that night, and all the things that were being thrown their way had ceased as they soaked up the movie Gracie had loved so much and snacked on popcorn, with all of them cuddled up together. </p>
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